Jokes No Longer In the Comedy Arena: Part Deux

I thought I would come back to writing about something since it has been quite a while since I've blogged.  One of my recent posts, which I liked writing about, was the Jokes No Longer in the Comedy Arena post, which I enjoyed because it meant going back through old television shows and finding the jokes that had the laugh-tracks right after the jokes but would not get laughs or even thoughts of laughs in today's world.  So here goes:

The Dynamite Candles

I think this was last used by The Goonies for a live-action use, if my knowledge serves me correct.  I think the aspect of people exploring dark caves and having a match on hand (why Bugs Bunny, Wyle E. Coytoe and other cartoons carried matches is beyond me), lighting it against a rock or their ass, and then seeing whats exactly in the dark cave and then everyone finds out it's cases of dynamite.  I'm pretty sure this was often a trademark for when Wyle E. Coyote would make a birthday cake for Road Runner and put the dynamite sticks on the cake.  Actually, scratch that, I'm thinking of this clip:

Hilarious, but nowadays it doesn't work as good.  I'm sure that this would be a lot funnier if there wasn't sure a threat of people blowing things up in America and there wasn't a dozen agencies trying to find people with cases of dynamite.  But, this is the world we live in.

Explosive Cigar

This is a very famous and STILL active trick used in Television.  Except it's used in CSI episodes instead of comedies.  It was a gag in M.A.S.H. and it was also used in a Statler and Waldorf bit on The Muppets.  As I'm researching this, I found out that the C.I.A., (yes, the Central Intelligence Agency) tried to assassinate Castro using explosive cigars.  This might be where the comedy in it started to run out.  At least it's somewhat relevant and it's still available in some media, but alas, it won't ever make a comedy sketch in today's world.

Being Raped by an Animal (particularly a Gorilla)

This specific moment is at the end of Trading Places, one of the best Eddie Murphy movies out there.  Hysterical, still relevant today, and probably a very underrated comedy.  It ends with this scene:

Now I don't have to tell you, but the man in the gorilla suit is about to get raped.  Rape, from my current understanding, is not a joke and is very serious.  Law & Order: SVU has been on 20 years just because of rape.  However, in this situation, it's the cherry on the comedic sundae for how the bad guy will end up at the closing of this movie.  He gets raped!  And everyone in the theater probably laughed their heads off!  It's a perfect ending!  A man gets raped!  Now if only every episode of Law & Order SVU would end in laughter.

A Man dancing with a Mop, Pretending its a Woman

As I researched this, I found out that there is actually a nice sub-culture of men and women who clean their houses and take pictures while thinking they are Gene Kelly in this scene:

However, I've yet to see this back in the mainstream for television or movie comedy.  Actually, I have.  But I'm not sure that there has been any footage of a man dancing with a mop or broom in a comedic fashion since Mrs. Doubtfire:

I will say that in America, we as people still dance and sing and maybe even guitar riff out Swiffers and mops and vacuums, but I don't see Hollywood getting back into it anytime soon.  Thus, I'm submitting this into the jokes that are no longer in the Comedy Arena.

That's it for now.  I'll be back again!

What I Did (Am Doing) On My Summer Hiatus...

So I've been away from blogging for a while.  To be honest, my passion kind of went by the wayside when I lost my job at the bank I worked for.  But here's how the month of August and some of September was for me:

I started looking around websites to see what kind of jobs are trending and where I might be wanted.  Boston.com made a good list.

But then you find out that the site editors of their precious lists don't know that they mixed up their "Top 10 In-Demand Jobs In Massachusetts" with the "Top 10 Most Stressful Jobs".  I mean I could've caught this.  I READ!  Also, I don't know how watching a presentation and leaning toward the hot blonde next to you to invite her to dinner is how a Marketing Manager works.

 Now I don't know about you, but I don't really think that an Administrative Assistant is going to be a Bluetooth guy.  He's sitting at a desk in a lobby and making sure someone fills out all the paperwork on the clipboard.  He isn't THAT busy.  Good picture nerds.

 I also started doing some more job searching and had to submit to which kind of person I think I am.  I picked out some of the characteristics I think describe me.  But when you first open this webpage and find out "well, this company really knows how to put adjectives in a random order" and then after a while you figure out this company didn't include the words HONEST or ETHICAL, which I didn't realize until looking at it now.  I'm entering a second interview with this company next week.

You'd also think that with the left over room on one side of the screen, they'd be able to fill it with some of the words from this one.  

I continued to grow and store cucumbers.

I bartended for a birthday party in Stoughton.  It was fun.  I made more money than I thought I would.

I turned 27 while all this was going on.  I looked and felt like this^

I also had a plethura of tomatoes grow in my backyard.

I scoured the internet for more jobs and found that sometimes employers don't even care about grammar or spelling, unless they find it on my resume.  This is a screen shot from an employer in Braintree.  I have a degree in Economics, not E-comics.  (I tried to send this as a joke to two people and it flopped both times.  I'm guessing since Autocorrect exists that spelling just isn't important anymore.)

This is another harvest I had.

I barteneded a very cool wedding in New Hampshire and this was the tap of the keg beer that the groom brewed.  They weer a very generous and very loving family.  All the best to them.

I made salsa with all the tomatoes and cilantro I had.

Right now I'm still chugging away, still bartending on weekends, still saving money, still applying and networking and asking around.  I'm at the point right now where if I counted how many jobs I've applied for I'd get really depressed.  I got an email from Lowe's saying that they wanted to pursue other candidates for their part-time cashier position. I only worked at a gas station for 5 years and then at a Bank of America cash vault for another 4.  Let's hope this funk ends sooner.

Don't worry people...

I'm still here, but I'm just not here-here.  I'm trying to get myself out of this employment rut.  Also I'm just way too down about it to be doing any inspired writing.  I have made some things out of my tomatoes, Salsa for one.  I'm just trying to get back into my routine of money-making.