Monday Night Football Live Blogging: Schmenza Alert!

I'm gonna blog throughout the entire game. Hopefully I don't fall asleep or end up texting Brett Favre pictures of my schmenza. I am currently watching ESPN Monday Night Countdown. Tom Jackson, Keyshawn Johnson, Chris Berman, and the Ditka are on right now because there is a weather delay. Lightning. I should timestamp this so people know what I'm talking about.

8:43 - Stuart Scott, Cris Carter, Some other loser and Steve Young are standing under the bleachers like they are ready to pass the bottle before this thing actually starts. I should DVR the Event just so I can watch this commentary.

8:45 - Event is now DVRed.

8:46 - Cris Carter just coined the phrase "not only is the beginning of the game delay 40 minutes, but the end of the game is delayed 40 minutes". No wonder you work the four letter network.

8:49 - Just realized I could be watching Jon Gruden say "This Guy!" about 3342 times tonight. DVR time!

8:51 - I'm making coffee. I need to be up for this.

8:56 - I think some Jersey Shore is in order. I'm going to watch that until something happens. You know, like a kickoff.

9:08 - God damnit, I was just getting into Jersey Shore too. This game is going to start soon. I really don't think Sammie is upset about losing Angelina, I think it's a Producer decision, much like the "Note" was a producer decision. You know, because girls don't get drunk and tell someone the truth about talking shit about them behind their back. Never happens. Ever.

9:14 - Jwoww is hideous. She is just a dumpster of a human being. Sammie's manish impression of her is spot on.

9:15 - Kickoff. Touchback.

9:16 - I really hate Fireman Ed. Incredible first play by the Vikings. Moss to Favre. You heard me right. Moss threw to Favre from a handoff from Percy Harvin. Nice touch Childress.

9:18 - Second false start penalty on the Vikings and there has only been one play called.

9:22 - Designated Driver Braylon Edwards, welcome to the program. Let's hope that there is some sort of drive involving Santonio Holmes, my fantasy pick up of the week.

9:24 - Adam Schefter just reported that Deion Branch is now a Patriot again. Pats trade a 4th round pick, and I am officially wrong about the Randy Moss deal. I guess I didn't give Deion that much credit. Welcome back Deion Branch. Wonder if anyone picked him up in Fantasy this week. Maybe I should do that. I don't know who I would drop, but I could consider picking him up.

9:31 - Brother just sat down next to me with a bowl of grapes. No joke, kid loves eating a branch of grapes while MNF is going on. Wonder how the Event is going. Sarah Roemer is so hot. I'd love to see a lot more of her. I'd also like to see Santonio Holmes get a TD pass right now, but Sanchez is being a fucking goomback right now. THROW TO SANTO!

9:38 - The next Monday Night game is apparently in Jacksonville, my question is how are they going to show that game when it's obviously going to be blacked out. Jacksonville is a crap city and there is no point in having anything in that city. Sorry Garrard but you should be moving to any other damn city. You know when they have a Super Bowl and can't house both teams and the media.

9:42 - Cromartie-The-8-Kid-Party just deflected a pass to Moss. Mom claims Cromartie held onto his shirt, but no one cares.

9:48 - Nice work Holmes, next time you hold something make its a promise to your wife and not a Vikings jersey.

9:54 - Holmes! First down. Yay! I just need that more!

9:56 - I almost had a heart attack when that deep ball was for Holmes. That would've ended my fantasy woes and made my weekend. Hopefully this B.Smith character doesn't steal any of my thunder.

10:07 - CATCH THE DAMN BALL SANTONIO! I BET IF THAT FOOTBALL WAS WRAPPED IN ACAPULCO GOLD YOU'D CATCH IT! On a lighter note, Carl Weathers is still getting paid. Go Apollo Go! Anyone else know why runningbacks are running into the backs of their lead blockers? This is just a recurring trend. Last week it was Flozell Adams pretty much tackling Rashard Mendenhall and I don't think I've seen a game without a runningback not running into a fat lead blocker. Except the Pats, I haven't seen Alge Crumpler or Gronk or anyone get in the way of Law Firm or Taylor.

10:18 - Thank you Sanchez. I enjoy you throwing for good gains with Holmes. I'm waiting for Gruden to switch his "This Guy" comment to Sanchez. It's about to be 6-0 Jets making this game just slightly more exciting than the plot of Hawaii Five-0, the new series. Seriously what is the deal with New York Jets games being field goals and no deep balls to Holmes. Come on Rex, call a damn play to work that USC arm like a man. I haven't seen a Mexican be this lazy since Rick Sanchez was fired from CNN for anti-semetic comments. P.S. why was it so damning to say that a certain group of people own everything? Sounds more like a compliment in a way. Although the right move in firing his boring ass.

Halftime: I watched the replay of the Giants-Braves game. Sucks. Giants suck. I hate that team and Brian Wilson's black beard. Giants-Phillies NLCS. No ones watching that TBS. Go get Dane Cook to promote your "There's only one Actober!" deal. Jackasses.

I needed to charge my laptop, so I'm missing the first parts of the second half, so unless Holmes scored a TD pass to clinch my win, there isn't any coverage from me.

11:05 - This is depressing. Nick Folk is the Jets most impressive player right now scoring 4 times through the uprights. Rex Ryan should be disgraced. You get all this talent from around the league, and you whip out your schmenza and send a picture of it to some lodi dodi from Florida State, you do jack diddly in the more important games of the year.

11:26 - I return to the TV. Brad Childress is yelling about playcalling. Vikings have penalties and Favre just threw his 500th TD pass to Randolph Moss. Guess what Brett, you can throw 500 TD's but it only takes one dick pic sent to Jenn Sterger for you to be a complete turd on humanity. Brad Smith just returned a kickoff return for 86 yards to the 15ish yard line. Now Sanchez put it in Holmes' hands and make this night complete for the love of God.

11:38 - It's official, Jon Gruden called Adrian Peterson THIS GUY.

11:39 - Randy Moss commits an offensive pass interference penalty and then Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden decide that these pass interference calls can go anyway. There is no telling who commits what on the football field, according to Gruden. Well Gruden, who just THIS GUYed Percy Harvin/Brett Favre, there is this thing called a camera and there are about 100 of them pointing toward the football field at any one time. Maybe you should stay at ESPN and never come back to coaching football again.

11:45 - I'm reminded that the Jets have Vernon Gholston, the victim of Patriots spin-doctoring by Belichick. He misses an obvious tackle and I laugh.

11:51 - I am becoming so depressed about Santonio Holmes probably not getting another catch and not winning me my fantasy match-up.

Midnight: According to Life Alert, you can fall in the tub and still feel Safe, Independent, and even Younger. Let me repeat: With Life Alert, you feel Safe, Independent and Younger. Don't tell me that Don Draper Inc wasn't involved with the change in the promotion of that product. If you feel younger maybe you could not fall in the shower and need some stranger to help you when your butt-naked with shampoo in your hair. Give me a break!

12:10 - Deja Vu: Favre wanted the 2 point conversion on their last drive and missed it. If they score here, they are forced to make another 2 conversion just to stay in the game. In Economics of Games and Sports, we talked about how you should always go with the safer bet instead of risking your future into having to take a 2 point when the game is on the line. This game could be lost because Brett Favre was a gunslinger and wanted to take the lead rather be safe with only a tied game.

12:16 - HOLMES FIRST DOWN!!!! I'm so close! Get back on the field Holmes. No time to yuck it up, you need to win this for me you stupid son of a bitch!

12:25 - I just called a Brett Favre interception while chatting with Mark Manning on AIM. No one throws a game like Brett Favre. No one. He can may have 500 career TD's, he may have a Super Bowl ring, but no one ever throws a game like Brett Favre. Absolutely no one.

12:32 - Jon Gruden calls Favre a warrior. Warrior not the word. Benedict Arnold is the word. If I can think of a word that sums up "guy that takes immense risks and throws a game away because he wants to get his schmenza sucked by a someone not wearing a wedding band". Nice work Favre. Now I will end this blog by saying I hate Brett Favre and the Event rocks.

Why I'm not so sure about this Randy Moss dump...

Teamwork. It's the backbone for winning championships. Bill Belichik, Doc Rivers, and Terry Francona have proved that. Claude Julien has come close to proving it. I don't think there is a person who would disagree with me. However, there are somethings that coaches and GM's do that they might regret. The Randy Moss trade, er, dump, was one of those things according to me.

I know some, or mostly all of the Patriots fans will disagree with me. Randy was a clubhouse cancer, arguing over money while the Kraft's were dealing with Brady, doing something while the pledge of allegiance was going on, yada yada yada. Randy has a history of being a pest. Think for minute, about what Randy Moss is to any team. He is the guy working for his dollar. John Salley, on his podcast talks a lot about how organizations smearing players because they aren't loyal to the team. If anyone should be loyal to anything, it's to their family. I don't blame Johnny Damon for taking more money to go to the Yankees, I don't blame Lebron for not staying in Cleveland, I don't blame Phil Kessel for leaving the Bruins after a stellar season to play in Toronto for more money. If your a player, your allegiance is to your family. And that's all. If an organization loves you enough, you will get a second contract to stay with them. Most recently Tom Brady, Patrice Bergeron and Zdeno Chara. All well liked and deservedly getting their contract.


I don't know if most Boston fans know this, but we vindicate so many players who come through here and don't stay forever. Sure the foods nice, weathers okay, and the chicks are hot, but those things aren't money. I don't know whether its something just with Boston fans, but we almost expect every player to stay with their Boston franchise forever, like Larry Bird, Bobby Orr and Ted Williams did. Granted those players are Boston legends, but if someone walked up to them and offered then more money to play in New York or California or some other franchise, we would have vindicated the hell out of them.


Another reason I'm not sold on this dump of Moss is the Patriots plans for when Wes Welker gets another man covered on him. Randy Moss would usually get the coverage of probably two men or one Darelle Revis. Now that we don't have Moss, we are now allowing another man freed up on the field to cover Wes Welker, therefore making our passing to Welker 20 times a game a wobbly strategy. Moss was good for Welker in this way. I'm the one bringing up the fact that maybe the luxury of Randy Moss deep took away another player and freed up Welker and made him a Dallas Clark like player instead of the receiver he was in Miami. I know the Patriots have a lot of options, but we have one less option, which is our deep threat in Moss. I'm not even going to talk about Brandon Tate being a threat. I don't even think he's going to be that great.

My last argument for Moss is that, I'm sure he would have stayed if he was offered 2 years at the same money. The Patriots knew that Moss and Brady had the same year ending contracts. They also knew that through the process of elimination that Tom Brady would stay in New England. Think about how much money big franchises have spent on their QB's in last years off season and then think about whether or not they can afford Tom Brady in this off season. He was making $6M and now he's going to be making $19M.

Now I question their move or rumor to go after Deion Branch. Why would you reject to offer a receiver like Branch one time and then expect him to come back? Does he show teamwork ethic now? Maybe he seems desperate? I don't think so. I don't see the Pats getting a replacement and I also see them missing Moss very soon. This is what I don't get about this teamwork first strategy. If you want players to come here, you have to pay them. Drafting only gets you so far. If we aren't going to use these draft picks that we acquire for receivers that are who Tom Brady needs to pass to then I suggest we think about players, who you need to make a team work.

Powerpoint #1: Legalizing Marijuana

I know what your thinking, but I was trying to think of something to illustrate on powerpoint and the only pop culture issue I could think of was marijuana. I don't know if that's a sign, but I will certainly try to think of something else to blog/powerpoint about. Maybe sports. Definitely movies, but I will certainly something that won't make me seem like I'm comparing the fashions of Snookie to 18th century harlots with similar body structure. Enjoy. Click on the link, and then click on powerpoint presentation1, I didn't name it. Don't complain.