1. Pizza Dough Landing on a Tosser's head
Picture this scene: the setting is in a pizzeria. Either the main characters are going there to meet up or one of the character's works in a pizzeria or some combination of those two. But let's say that one of the character's is tossing pizza dough and then all of the sudden, they get distracted from a busty blonde walking through the front door, and (OOPS!) pizza dough on the face. Cue the laugh-track. I've been watching a lot of TV and I can tell you that the pizza dough on the face joke is pretty much dead.
Did we just stop having meetup's at pizza places? I'm guessing that no one ever tossed dough high enough anymore for people to notice. Either way, it was a good joke.
2. The Endangered Souffle
Oh Alice the maid! So, here's another comedic trope that is extinct. Alice is in the kitchen, she's baking. The kids are coming home and they're making all sorts of racket coming in. Alice has a Souffle in the oven. She can't let it get ruined from all the noise the kid's are making. She makes sure the coast is clear (another phrase seldom heard in life), and she manages to take it out and set it on the table. Oh boy, the souffle is safe! She sighs, and (LUPP!) the souffle collapses is ruined just from her sighing. Ironic and funny. Laugh track commenced.
This joke is funnier on a different level because I don't think there is a wife out there in this day and age who could make a souffle. I don't even know if they know what it is.
3. Forgetting your pregnant wife on the way to the hospital
Here's a goodie. A husband and wife are expecting their first child. The husband is nervous about being a father. Then he looks at his wife in a scene and she says "Honey, it's time." He says "It's time! It's time!" The husband then goes around the house grabbing everything he needs to get to the hospital. Overnight bag- check, change of clothes- check, water -check, balloons -check. Then the husband runs out to the car and drives to the hospital as fast as possible running every red light. He drives up to the Emergency entrance for Ambulances only, gets out of the car, sprints up the front desk "Hello, I'm here. I'm here. We're checking in! Name's Johnson. We're having the baby today! My wife's water just broke, we need a room!" The nurse then looks at the husband and says "Okay, sir, where's your wife?" (Laugh track initiated) He then stops, and realizes he has to go back to the car and drive back home because he forgot his wife. This joke seemed to be very popular and has since disappeared.
I don't know when or who ever came up with it, but I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did.
4. Curing Amnesia Caused by Head Trauma with .....More Head Trauma!
This one is specific to Gilligan's Island. Imagine Gilligan walking around his mysterious island with the Skipper and trying to find someway to throw another cabana party even though it's been 7 years since they went missing. Gilligan holds the secret to this part of the island that has the best fruit and half way into telling the Skipper, Gilligan is clonked on the head with a coconut collapsing him to the ground. Gilligan wakes up, doesn't remember a thing. He and Skipper get lost around the island and towards the apex of the episode, Gilligan is clonked on the head for a second time, all of the sudden, he remembers everything! Riotous Laughter!
These were the types of things that had to be talked over and debated in writer's rooms while writing comedic gold that was Gilligan's Island. This joke has also transcended into another dimension of comedy. The idea of someone continuously bonking someone on the head with a coconut until they remembered something is just physical comedy gold.
5. The White Glove Test
This joke seems to popping up more and more in my real life since it has left the television. Imagine a newlywed couple, inviting the mother-in-law over for dinner. Even better, the grandmother. She flies in from Florida looking like Mary Poppins with her long dress and wearing some stupid hat to keep the sun out of her eyes. She walks slowly into the house, the newlywed couple are happy to see her, but she looks down upon this place. She walks over to the fire place, drags her white gloved finger across the mantle of the fireplace, looks at it, tisks, and then shakes her head in disgust. (Laugh Track on Swol!)
Who ever thought of this? It had to be some bachelor (like myself) who had a parent come over and inspect the place, thinking that I would dust the fireplace mantle in the middle of the summer. Dusting doesn't even occur anymore in most houses!
These jokes and more are going to be a running segment for this blog since I'm getting more comfortable with running segments rather than blogging bullshit every day. Thanks for reading!
