Saturday, March 5, 2011

Okay Oscar, we need to fix some stuff…

So my last blog was about the Oscars and who I was hoping would win what award and so on.  What I didn’t expect was a gigantic turd of performances from everyone involved in the show.  Let’s start from the top:

I didn’t see the digital redesigning of the best pictures of the year that they do with the hosts every year.  I don’t know who was in what, but I do know that James Franco e-mailed it in during his entire time on stage.  I don’t know what it was about him.  Maybe he’s working too hard.  Between General Hospital appearances, going to school, and being nominated for Best Actor, I think we could have done a million times better than him for a co-host.  We should’ve had Hugh Jackman, but Lord knows why he didn’t take it.  He has talent to sing and dance.  But I want to know why he was in the front row.  Didn’t say anything, but just sat next to Halle Berry and smiled.  I don’t know what movie he was in this past year. 

Moving on to other things.  If someone told me I was going to see Kirk Douglas, I would’ve expected to see him lodged between Corey Haim (which I’ll get to) and Leslie Neilson on the Stars That Died in This Previous Year presentation.  But no, presenting an award and being completely inaudible during his entire time on stage.  He sounded like someone with no teeth who just drank a full glass of lemon juice and decided to talk on end about something no one cared about.  I had to concentrate on his speech just to make out the words he was saying.  I was hoping for some him to die, to be completely honest.  He should’ve died last year when everyone else died.

Melissa Leo sweating on TV because she won really brought out the Mrs. Eklund in her.  As soon as my Dad saw her clip from the Fighter that the Oscars showed, he was hooked into liking her accent.  Especially the “where do you get off in talking to me in my kitchen like that, you owe me $200”.  Classic.

I don’t know if anyone else noticed this, but I didn’t see a lot of the usual stars I normally see at the Oscars.  Did a lot of actors not want to be there?  I mean, I didn’t see Jack, I didn’t see Will Smith, I didn’t see Meryll Streep, I didn’t see the usual suspects of Oscar glory.  Maybe I expected too much, but I think the Oscars are starting to turn on their own Academy.  Actors and Directors who make the unforgettable movies should deserve their due (case and point: Martin Scorcese not winning for Goodfellas but YEARS later for the Departed). 

I’m sick of the 10 movie best film category.  It’s stupid.  They did 5 movies for nearly 80 years, what was wrong with that?

Why did they bring out Billy Crystal at all?  They brought him out to present a hologram of Bob Hope to bring out someone else.  By the way, no one of this generation knows Bob Hope or any of his jokes or any of the movies he did or anything about him.  He is from the generation that is on it's way out and that generation of funny is LONG gone.

My biggest Snubs of the Whole Show that remind me that this is why I really hate people that produce crap like this:

Daft Punk not even getting a nod.  TRON Legacy was the viewing event of the year other than Inception. 

Exit Through the Gift Shop losing to a documentary about the God damn economy whose director said the predictable “not one executive on wall street has gone to prison'” line.

David Fincher and Christopher Nolan being snubbed for making what were to be the best movies of the past year.  Obviously they carried and saved the movie making industry in the summer months.  Plus Social Network won for writing and soundtrack(grrr) and editing.  Inception won more of the Techie awards like sound, cinematography and sound mixing.  I think these films will be more memorable than the King’s Speech in a few years.

I don’t know about you, but there was too much in this award show that didn’t happen.  No shockers.  No person showing a website to donate for a dolphin saving cause.  No Soy-Bomb.  No stunner like The Hurt Locker.  Did anyone even get a lifetime achievement award?  Did anyone notice the lack of respect for Ben Affleck’s The Town?  Or Mila Kunis in Black Swan.  Or Maybe the Pat Tillman Story in a Documentary nomination.  Even though I still give it to ETTGS.  Would’ve made for more media buzz.

Corey Haim.  I can name 3 movies he was in.  Lost Boys, Lucas, Silver Bullet.  I expected him to be shown somewhere in those clips of people that passed this year.  Along side Dennis Hopper and Leslie Neilson.  By the way, looking back at this montage, who the hell puts in an Agent?  Edward Limato – Agent.  I’m not kidding.  HE WASN’T EVEN AN ACTOR!!!  A little after that, is a publicist.  A PUBLICIST!!!  The circus is being run by the monkeys!!!!  They should’ve had someone at least explain why there were so many non-actors when they even forgot the actors from this list.  I would’ve loved to see James Franco explain it, or maybe he would’ve said something like ‘Congratulations Dead people’ just to blow it off and get on with his part of the show. 

I really wanted Natalie Portman’s water to break on stage.  But I also wanted for her to not thank every single person that she looked at on the set of Black Swan.  I’m pretty sure she thanked a catering company in there somewhere. 

Anne Hathaway is now several notches down from where she was last year on my likeable-meter.  All because of that dress-spinning thing she did.  Grow up.

Can someone tell me why the kids had to wait until the very end of the show to sing a song and then Anne Hathaway had to high-10 every single one of them?  Waiting For Superman wasn’t even mentioned in the show.

Congratulations Oscar Awards, you have lowered the bar so much that next year’s show can’t possibly be awful.

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