First Date Nightmares

Dating sucks.  Just ask any of the people that do it and aren't already in relationships.

Both a parties have to pretend to do something with someone they don't readily know, not lose their cool, and then have to put on a face that suggests "I might do this again someday, but probably with someone else."  Doesn't it always seem that first date activities are things that you would never ever do in your spare time, unless it's drinking?  Bowling, Kayaking, Fine Dining, Mountain Climbing, Walking on a Beach, Hiking a trail, Going to a Zoo.  Why do first date activities get picked from the hat of "I've Never Do This In My Spare Time, But For Some Reason, It Might Get Me Laid".  What ever happened to burger and a movie?

First dates are ESPECIALLY the worst things you can do in your twenties, and from what the rest of the Internet tells me, up into your 40's.  There are several kinds of first dates.  There are the first dates that end in sex, 

end with Award Nominations for Most Awkward Hug...

or they can end with a "Call Me This Weekend" kiss (rare and very often not admired)

Now there will be times when both parties agree to end their date in whatever way they want.  The nightmare comes in when there is a disagreement and both people end up over-thinking every single "signal" or move that the other makes.

A lot of times, people go into dating without knowing what exactly they want.  Over time, if a couple dates and just wants to things copacetic, that's great.  What amateur daters don't realize is that they are looking for someone that they think will be okay to bring around their friends.  That's all a date/a girlfriend/a boyfriend is in this world, when you boil it down.

It is great if two people can connect on other levels, but that comes after finding someone in the first place.  However, there is that dreaded destination that seems to be populated with love-scorned men: THE FRIEND ZONE!

This clip from Wet Hot American Summer sums up what the Friend Zone is.  Scores of women will deny that the Friend Zone exists or that they have put "friends" there, but that's because if you don't talk about something, it ceases to exist.  

This scene by the way, is the worst thing that a guy can hear from someone that he likes, especially at a young age.  This is every kid in high school's  nightmare.  He does all the things that he thinks the girl wants in a guy, but she just wants to have sex with the hotter guy.  There is no way around it.  C'est la Vie.

The David Spade Theory: On Women and Dating.

The David Spade Big Bang Theory

So I have this theory about the way women think and how they find their attraction in someone else.  I was listening to a podcast talk about David Spade and who he has dated.  You figure at first sight, David Spade is who he is.  He’s about to get into his 50’s, he was on SNL back in the Sandler/Farley/Myers days has managed to pull down a ton of tail in the meantime.  Here’s what I mean:

Actor A has worked in about 50 movies and television shows.  Actor A is also 5 foot 4 inches tall, has a net worth around $40 million dollars.  Actor A also has a couple of Emmy nominations and a couple of wins for being on television.  He became popular for being a sketch comedy show around the 1990’s.  

Actor B has worked in 50 movies and television shows.  Actor A is 6 feet 1 inch tall, has a net worth or $150 million dollars.  Actor A has a couple of Golden Globe wins.  He was also famous for being a sketch comedy show during the 1980’s and 90’s.  

Actor A’s past girlfriends are Lara Flynn Boyle, Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Jillian Reynolds, Nicollette Sheridan, Heather Locklear and many playboy playmates.  

Actor B’s past girlfriends are Jenny McCarthy, Linda Ronstadt, January Jones, Courtney Cox, Renee Zellweger, and Lauren Holly.

Actor A is David Spade and Actor B is Jim Carrey.  

Now the theory here is that if women see that a woman is dating someone that is a particular nobody in the public light, then they will think that there is something about that person that isn’t readily known but makes them suspicious that they are actually better than perceived.  Heather Locklear is a stone cold fox, especially during the 1990’s and 1980’s.

Women will see who other women’s boyfriends are and if the couple doesn't seem quite right then they will conclude that there is something about that man that is special or unknown, but in a good way.  In short, “if he can land her, then he is good enough for me.”  Men do not usually think this way, women however, think this way all the time.  Now David Spade has been able to still have work and that’s great for him.  But Jim Carrey has still been able to carry a movie, land laughs all around and was Funniest Man of the Year several times during his long run of comedy.  But if you measured a man by who he brings to his bed, Spade takes this race in spades (pardon the pun).  

I’m wondering if a man can convince a woman, just one hot woman, to sleep with him, or at least make the impression that they have been sleeping together for about a year or so, he will be able to pull down lots of hot women for the rest of his career.  Now when men measure each other it’s usually with wealth, work, and women.  The car they drive, they women they fuck, and how many friends they keep.  I don’t think David Spade is on any level close to Jim Carrey, yet they have been working just as long as each other and they are able to have 2 successful careers, while Spade has a higher puss-kill.  

The idea of just being with one hot woman can change the future relationship trajectory is vastly amusing to me.  So, for all the hot women out there that want to make every guy’s future life more enjoyable - date the ugly nerd or the not-so-hot guy who will probably never forget what you will do to his confidence in his life.  And you probably won’t even have to do that much.

Thanks for reading.

Guess Who: This Dude gets it in....

I was thinking about this the other day.

A coworker of mine was talking about a famous person that gets a lot of action in the bedroom.

If a regular dude, sitting at a sports bar with his girlfriend, was approached by this person and felt that his girlfriend was attracted to him, it would befuddle the shit out of him.

So now I'm going to try and give you guys a riddle to figure out if you think you would be intimidated by another dude by the description I give.

This dude is shorter than you.

This dude has curly hair.

This dude wears a lot of tight clothing.

This dude plays a guitar.

This dude can sing in a high pitched voice and a low baritone voice.

Not intimidated yet?  Okay, this guy wears high heels.

Not yet?  This guys wears makeup.

Still don't think your girlfriend could walk away with someone that dresses like this and has this image?  Guess what, it's Prince.

Prince could absolutely walk away with anyone's girlfriend if he wanted to.  Every dude knows it and every girls knows it.  If I told you that your girlfriend would be picked up by a guitar playing short man with curly hair that also wore heels and makeup - you'd laugh your ass off.  If I told you your girlfriend would get picked up by Prince, you say "God dammit!"

This is a lesson in that it's not exactly the image that a man has that attracts women, but it's his cadence and his demeanor, and probably whether he smells like a tire-fire or something expensive from the cologne section in Macy's.

Day 27: Problem(s) You Have or Had In the Past

There are many problems that I've had in the past.  Overcoming them is a tireless task.  This blog, for one, was one of the hardest things to get started and then continue on a daily routine.  When I first started blogging back in 2005 or so, I just regurgitated Bill Simmons articles and random thoughts on Sports.  I'd do so much rambling that it was just boring as hell to read.

But I've learned to cope with some of the problems I've had and continue to have:

Problem #1: Keeping Routine

Since starting this blog and using the continuous reminders on my cell phone, I've managed to complete 2 30-day challenges that I didn't really have any faith in completing.  I know it's only 60 days, but that's more than saying you're going to lose weight for a New Years Resolution and then just sit at home during every month after January.  I'm proud of myself for at least moving forward with this kind of routine, as menial as it sounds.  Solution: This blog

Problem #2: Speaking Up When I Have the Chance

Whether it's been at the dinner table, in a classroom, in a sport's game, or at work, I'm known for staying quiet when I should be speaking up.  I don't know if it's me being passive or my inability to act, but speaking up is something I wish I did more of.  My Mom always told me to raise my hand more often in class because most of my teachers didn't know how smart I was until I did it more often.  I think there was some point during my education that the more I raised my hand, the more I'd get questions wrong thus I would shy away from participating in class.

This has carried over into my adult and professional life.  I shy away from asking my boss questions, and future employers questions.  I shy away from talking to most women I don't know.  I know that if I feel like I'm being talked at instead of being talked to, I won't even bother with responses.  If people don't understand that last sentence, they may be the kind of person that talks at someone and doesn't even know it.  Solution: None yet.

Problem #3: Starting Too Many Things Without Finishing One

This might just be a problem of me wanting to lead too many lives.  Like taking a bite of a bunch of different foods, but never finishing just one.  It's lead down a long road of emptiness.  I feel I always need to have tried something, but I can't say that I've finished something.  It sucks.  I've started several screenplays, but have never finished anyone of them.  I've started writing other stories, but I've never finished them.  I don't know how, but my real life, family and friends seem to be getting in the way of the life I want.  Solution: None.

Day 17: Your High's and Low's of this past year

Okay, so I have to back track a bit.  I'm going to italicize the bad things and make the good things in bold font.  If I checked facebook from the last year until now (checking)...

So last year on Cinco de Mayo, I went down to New Bedford to visit some old college friends and drink.  It was there that I realized that UMass Dartmouth had put up a windmill and was in the midst of building a new building.  As of now, I think they are going to need a lot more renovations to save their admissions if you've been watching the news lately.

I also changed around my living room and didn't have a roommate at this time last year.  I also cleaned out my shed this time last year.  I know this because I can see it happening on Facebook.  I went to see Primus with my friends Jack and Bill at the Boston Opera House (at least I think it's the Opera House).

What's really funny is that this time last year, the Great Gatsby trailer was released and you know what?  The movie is STILL not out yet.  That's how awful I plan for this movie to be.  This movie trailer has been surfaced for more than a year.  It's also showing in 3D, which is now the stamp for "we need to make so much money off this movie it sucks this bad".

My summer of 2012 was pretty fun as well.  I went down the Vineyard to party it up with my friend Travis.  I love the Vineyard in the summertime.  I also had a nice weekend down the cape with the whole family together.  That was a really fun time.  It was nice to see everyone under one roof for the short time that we had.  I started reading George Pelecanos books and haven't got back to them since finishing the first one.  I also spent a couple of weekends during last summer getting "certified" to become a bartender.  I trained with about 25 other people my age to become a bartender, but I have yet to get a job as a bartender.  I know, my fault.

I turned 26 last year, which is a useless birthday to celebrate.  My cell phone also broke and had to use one of the cell phones that my friend Jon had sitting in his desk.  I still have it now and it's a great paper weight.  I ended up bidding for one on Ebay that was identical to mine since I didn't have the money to sign up for a new one and my contract wasn't yet up.

The Olympics happened, which was entertaining.  The Red Sox made a $250 Million dollar trade.  I was still working at the same job I am now and I broke my promise of trying to switch jobs and get the hell out of Bank of America.  I joined a Fantasy Football league in which I made a slew of new friends and went to Mohegan Sun, made week to week bets with other guys and just had a great time overall.  Can't wait for that again this year.  I found a retained a roommate that is still living with me.  I had my wisdom teeth removed, which was nice to take some time off of work, and is documented on my Tumblr.  I learned how to wrap my face in bandages in case there is anything wrong with my jaw.

There was a huge hurricane in New England that flooded most of Quincy.  I was Bane for Halloween, in which I won Scariest Costume at a costume party.  The NFL had their whole Referee dilemma which turned into a real clusterfuck, and then one week in Miami, this happened.  Fast-forwarding through Winter, I learned how to use the snowblower.  I spent New Years Eve in Boston, which was fun for doing something new.  I went to Memphis for work, which was fun for the two weeks I was there.  I ate much barbecue, I would've gained probably 30 pounds if I stayed there more than 2 weeks.  I came home to a huge snowstorm that nearly ruined all of the Northeast.   I found out that after working in Memphis, I think that a life in traveling is very much up my alley.  

I started this website through GoDaddy, called NoMoreGoofs.com.  It started out as a business idea for movie studios that would want to cut down on the number of "Goofs" that occur in movies.  Pretty much a small money idea that would help people clean up some of the mistakes that audiences are quicker to catch.  I haven't really touched it since I started it and it's pretty much been just a domain that I paid $80 dollars for 3 years.

I did get started in my journey to become Debt-Free.  I've paid off 2 of 3 credit cards.  I've been trying to work hard getting more money and cutting back my expenses.  It's a journey and not getting any other bites on jobs has made this hard.  I think getting a part-time job along with a new full-time job is really the next big thing I need to shift into a higher gear.

To summarize my last year, it's been several things up and several things down.  I feel that some of the ups in my life have been related to other things that don't really involve me.  As if my happiness can be quantified by which movies are in theaters.  In terms of relationships, it's been mostly down, but I keep trying to find a new person to meet.  Dating sucks.  I've made probably one female friend out of maybe 5 or 6 that I've gone on a date with.  Maybe I need some outside help that I have yet to seek.  Let's hope that this next year is going on the up and up.

30 day challenge - Day 1: Relationship status

This is the first day of one of the new 30 day challenges.  I'll exercise my crunches and jumping jacks after this.  The day 1 exercise is to blog about my relationship status, which is single.  Being single has almost become a solidified way of life for me.  I haven't really had an everyday girlfriend.  I've had dates.  I've been involved with girls for more than one weekend.  But I don't think I've been able to put the tag "girlfriend" on a relationship of mine.  It sounds depressing when you think about it.

In high school, I didn't have a girlfriend of any kind.  I took a really sweet girl to Prom, but we didn't really stay together afterwards.  We had some real fun together, but we just didn't click and stay together.  

In college, there were some casual hookups, but same thing.  No one really connected with me.  I don't know if it was the persona that I gave off or what.  I did make a lot of great friends.  And many of them were girls.  Just not a girlfriend.  

Post college pretty much turned into a lonely-fest.  Not seeing the same people you saw every day for 4 years is a real struggle.  I managed to go 4 years in college without really making a single friend that I could get either extra "friendly", romantic or emotional with (however you want to characterize it).  I forget how long ago, but I got a subscription to a dating website, and it initially didn't pan out so well.  I felt more alone.  I put myself out there and I kept getting responses from people I didn't think I wanted to meet.  

Further along the online dating life, I got on a couple of dates, mostly just meals and whatnot.  I go out on one date with this really sweet girl who went to school down south.  We went out on a couple more and I think we connected pretty well.  I think I dropped the ball on staying connected and keeping in touch, but we still talk even though we aren't an item.  

As of now, I'm pretty skeptical of the women I meet.  Being 26 and turning 27 in 4 months, means people my age have already started to pair off and have kids and build lives.  I still feel I don't even know what I want to do, let alone who I want to be with, so I'm guessing I can hold off for now.  And I know that my choices aren't forever.  The things I realize now, being older and little smarter are that if I meet a girl through online dating; there has to be something wrong with them.  I know this because they wouldn't be using online dating in the first place.  I don't really have the kind of friends that set people up with their friends.  Maybe I do, but maybe I'm not the type of person that they would set a person up with.  I think about all these things and try to figure out ways to improve myself.  

I've had a lot of stress into figuring out what is wrong with me, but either I can't get answers from someone or I am just seeing things in a different way.  I know something is wrong with me, but I'm guessing I just need to see someone before I can figure out being in a relationship.  But I need to do this BEFORE I get into a relationship.  

So that concludes day 1.  Pretty rough writing all of that.  But that's what it takes.

Why Online Dating isn't the way to go

Have an OKCupid account?  How about a PlentyOFish account?  Zoosk?  Match.com?  Eharmony? Tagged?  Or some random other online dating website or app devoted to getting you matched up with someone that's perfect for you?  Good.  Now disable it.  I've been through the online dating realm for a little over 2 years.  Maybe longer.  I've gone on multiple dates with many different girls.  Most of them, have ended the same way:  The guy starts the messaging, the girl maybe writes back, you plan a date, you meet both meet up, you probably make out (or hug meaning you're never going to see her again), and then you maybe go on another date.

The trouble in online dating usually starts with making out a profile page that you think will attract someone to your liking.  In your own head, you're thinking "should I include a ton of interests?, Should I say I'm 'down to earth' like everyone else?, Do I include a bathroom selfie?, which picture makes me look thinner than I am now?, How old of a woman do I think I can handle?" and so on.  Most of the questions you ask in your head end up being hilarious tweets when you think about it.  So you spend all this time trying to sculpt this profile, and then when you look at everyone else's they all say the same thing.  Every girl is down to earth, joining online dating because their friends had "success", tired of the bar scene, wants a guy that can make them laugh, enjoys a glass of wine on their couch and watching a movie on Friday nights, and they all hate guys that take selfies with their shirt off (selfies are pictures you take in the bathroom in case you didn't know).

Then when you finally find someone you think can tolerate your face for an hour or two, you try to write a message to them.  Now, there's a good chance that no matter how sincere or nice or cool you sound in your message, that girl will not respond to you.  I don't exactly know the ins and outs of crafting the perfect message, but it seems that the normal sounding girls are the ones who do not respond (sorry if any of my previous dates are upset over this).  And even when you plan to meetup at a bar (make sure the first date is not dinner) there is still the possibility the girl will get cold feet and make an excuse that she has to work late on a Saturday night and not as a bartender.

The reason I mentioned that the first date should not be dinner is because dinner is the worst place to meet someone for.  For one, every girl hates eating in front a man.  Now I have no problems eating in front a woman.  I will eat until I'm full.  Most girls will order as many drinks as you, but as soon as that shared pizza comes out, they will pick take 3 bites and then pick at the crust.  Also splitting a bill at the end just makes things weird because if the girl wants to go dutch on it, she doesn't want to have to owe you, meaning sex or any making out is probably out the door.  The worst is having to deal with a waitress who can figure out you're on a first date and gets really into it and making comments.  I use waitress and not waiter because any dude knows better than to show any emotion toward awkward situations such as first dates.

At some point in the date, you've realized that you have nothing to talk about.  You like sports, she could care less.  She likes HBO's Girls, and you hate Lena Dunham with her naked tattooed body.  If you were smart and went to a bar (where drinks will go down fast and conversations will get interesting), you can get drunk alone, get drunk together, or both get drunk and laid if you're lucky by the end of the night.

The problems with online dating, is that after the first or next few dates.  You wonder about the next steps in dating: introduction to friends and family.  Do you want to say that you met someone online based on algorithms and profile likenesses?  How do people react when they hear that?  What if she doesn't like any of my friend's?  What I don't like her friends?  Why do we always meet when we're not sober?  Is this girl interesting when she's not sober?  How would my parents feel about this?  Has anything she's said send red flags?  Can I make up a lie as to how we met so it doesn't sound like we're both losers?

It's that last question that really hinders in your mind.  Your friends ask "hey are we going to meet this girl you've been dating?"  And you think "I don't know, maybe," when in your head you think about how other people have perceived you from pretty much just looking to the internet for something that you cannot do in person, face to face.

Online dating has no real future.  It'll be a fad while desperate singles will jump to dating sites after one gets tiring.  Finding a good relationship will not come in the form of slimming profile pictures, shared interests, and what you spend your Friday nights doing.  It comes from going different places, running into old friends, and meeting new ones.  So, lose the online persona, put on a decent shirt, and go out there and meet someone.