One (sorta) Fat Guy blogs about sports, food, health, women, family, being kinda sorta fat, and also some other things not yet really decided upon. Follow me on Instagram @msheezy86 and Twitter @MarkSheehan
Dating sucks. Just ask any of the people that do it and aren't already in relationships.
Both a parties have to pretend to do something with someone they don't readily know, not lose their cool, and then have to put on a face that suggests "I might do this again someday, but probably with someone else." Doesn't it always seem that first date activities are things that you would never ever do in your spare time, unless it's drinking? Bowling, Kayaking, Fine Dining, Mountain Climbing, Walking on a Beach, Hiking a trail, Going to a Zoo. Why do first date activities get picked from the hat of "I've Never Do This In My Spare Time, But For Some Reason, It Might Get Me Laid". What ever happened to burger and a movie?
First dates are ESPECIALLY the worst things you can do in your twenties, and from what the rest of the Internet tells me, up into your 40's. There are several kinds of first dates. There are the first dates that end in sex,
end with Award Nominations for Most Awkward Hug...
or they can end with a "Call Me This Weekend" kiss (rare and very often not admired)
Now there will be times when both parties agree to end their date in whatever way they want. The nightmare comes in when there is a disagreement and both people end up over-thinking every single "signal" or move that the other makes.
A lot of times, people go into dating without knowing what exactly they want. Over time, if a couple dates and just wants to things copacetic, that's great. What amateur daters don't realize is that they are looking for someone that they think will be okay to bring around their friends. That's all a date/a girlfriend/a boyfriend is in this world, when you boil it down.
It is great if two people can connect on other levels, but that comes after finding someone in the first place. However, there is that dreaded destination that seems to be populated with love-scorned men: THE FRIEND ZONE!
This clip from Wet Hot American Summer sums up what the Friend Zone is. Scores of women will deny that the Friend Zone exists or that they have put "friends" there, but that's because if you don't talk about something, it ceases to exist.
This scene by the way, is the worst thing that a guy can hear from someone that he likes, especially at a young age. This is every kid in high school's nightmare. He does all the things that he thinks the girl wants in a guy, but she just wants to have sex with the hotter guy. There is no way around it. C'est la Vie.
So I have this theory about the way women think and how they find their attraction in someone else. I was listening to a podcast talk about David Spade and who he has dated. You figure at first sight, David Spade is who he is. He’s about to get into his 50’s, he was on SNL back in the Sandler/Farley/Myers days has managed to pull down a ton of tail in the meantime. Here’s what I mean:
Actor A has worked in about 50 movies and television shows. Actor A is also 5 foot 4 inches tall, has a net worth around $40 million dollars. Actor A also has a couple of Emmy nominations and a couple of wins for being on television. He became popular for being a sketch comedy show around the 1990’s.
Actor B has worked in 50 movies and television shows. Actor A is 6 feet 1 inch tall, has a net worth or $150 million dollars. Actor A has a couple of Golden Globe wins. He was also famous for being a sketch comedy show during the 1980’s and 90’s.
Actor A’s past girlfriends are Lara Flynn Boyle, Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Jillian Reynolds, Nicollette Sheridan, Heather Locklear and many playboy playmates.
Actor B’s past girlfriends are Jenny McCarthy, Linda Ronstadt, January Jones, Courtney Cox, Renee Zellweger, and Lauren Holly.
Actor A is David Spade and Actor B is Jim Carrey.
Now the theory here is that if women see that a woman is dating someone that is a particular nobody in the public light, then they will think that there is something about that person that isn’t readily known but makes them suspicious that they are actually better than perceived. Heather Locklear is a stone cold fox, especially during the 1990’s and 1980’s.
Women will see who other women’s boyfriends are and if the couple doesn't seem quite right then they will conclude that there is something about that man that is special or unknown, but in a good way. In short, “if he can land her, then he is good enough for me.” Men do not usually think this way, women however, think this way all the time. Now David Spade has been able to still have work and that’s great for him. But Jim Carrey has still been able to carry a movie, land laughs all around and was Funniest Man of the Year several times during his long run of comedy. But if you measured a man by who he brings to his bed, Spade takes this race in spades (pardon the pun).
I’m wondering if a man can convince a woman, just one hot woman, to sleep with him, or at least make the impression that they have been sleeping together for about a year or so, he will be able to pull down lots of hot women for the rest of his career. Now when men measure each other it’s usually with wealth, work, and women. The car they drive, they women they fuck, and how many friends they keep. I don’t think David Spade is on any level close to Jim Carrey, yet they have been working just as long as each other and they are able to have 2 successful careers, while Spade has a higher puss-kill.
The idea of just being with one hot woman can change the future relationship trajectory is vastly amusing to me. So, for all the hot women out there that want to make every guy’s future life more enjoyable - date the ugly nerd or the not-so-hot guy who will probably never forget what you will do to his confidence in his life. And you probably won’t even have to do that much.
There are many problems that I've had in the past. Overcoming them is a tireless task. This blog, for one, was one of the hardest things to get started and then continue on a daily routine. When I first started blogging back in 2005 or so, I just regurgitated Bill Simmons articles and random thoughts on Sports. I'd do so much rambling that it was just boring as hell to read.
But I've learned to cope with some of the problems I've had and continue to have:
Problem #1: Keeping Routine
Since starting this blog and using the continuous reminders on my cell phone, I've managed to complete 2 30-day challenges that I didn't really have any faith in completing. I know it's only 60 days, but that's more than saying you're going to lose weight for a New Years Resolution and then just sit at home during every month after January. I'm proud of myself for at least moving forward with this kind of routine, as menial as it sounds. Solution: This blog
Problem #2: Speaking Up When I Have the Chance
Whether it's been at the dinner table, in a classroom, in a sport's game, or at work, I'm known for staying quiet when I should be speaking up. I don't know if it's me being passive or my inability to act, but speaking up is something I wish I did more of. My Mom always told me to raise my hand more often in class because most of my teachers didn't know how smart I was until I did it more often. I think there was some point during my education that the more I raised my hand, the more I'd get questions wrong thus I would shy away from participating in class.
This has carried over into my adult and professional life. I shy away from asking my boss questions, and future employers questions. I shy away from talking to most women I don't know. I know that if I feel like I'm being talked at instead of being talked to, I won't even bother with responses. If people don't understand that last sentence, they may be the kind of person that talks at someone and doesn't even know it. Solution: None yet.
Problem #3: Starting Too Many Things Without Finishing One
This might just be a problem of me wanting to lead too many lives. Like taking a bite of a bunch of different foods, but never finishing just one. It's lead down a long road of emptiness. I feel I always need to have tried something, but I can't say that I've finished something. It sucks. I've started several screenplays, but have never finished anyone of them. I've started writing other stories, but I've never finished them. I don't know how, but my real life, family and friends seem to be getting in the way of the life I want. Solution: None.
I recently blogged about people I find attractive, which meant that I just Google Image searched for people that I liked watching in Movies and TV. I started over at the Maxim Hot 100 and was kind kind of shocked at how some of the rankings went on. Now, I'm going to list them and then edit it by my standards.
Dessie Mitcheson
Ashley Sky
Rebecca Mader
Daniella Alonso
Kellie Pickler
Zooey Deschanel
Dawn Olivieri
Lynsi Torres
Kenda Perez
Allison Williams
Leven Rambin
April Rose
Elisabeth Harnois
Katie Cassidy
Rosci Diaz
Aubrey Plaza
Alice Eve
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace
Jamie Chung
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha
Janina Gavankar
Emma Roberts
Natalie Martinez
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood
Nina Adgal
Manti T'eo's Fake Girlfriend
Anne V
Brittney Palmer
Joanna Krupa
Emilia Clarke
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz
Emily VanCamp
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Kamala Harris
Shakira
Bar Paly
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Nina Dobrev
Ashley Greene
Yvonne Strahovski
Naya Rivera
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Berenice Marlohe
Adrianne Palicki
Sarah Shahi
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Ronda Rousey
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Arianny Celeste
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus
That's 100-1. I'm not kidding. Maxim thinks it has a sense of humor because a fake girlfriend made the list. Not even 100, it was ranked in the 80's. Now usually when guys and girls read this list, it's considered the best list for the determining how hot someone that's in the limelight is. Now, let's fix this list by eliminating the names that make you say "who the fuck is that?".
Dessie Mitcheson Ashley Sky Rebecca Mader Daniella Alonso Kellie Pickler
Zooey Deschanel Dawn Olivieri Lynsi Torres Kenda Perez
Allison Williams Leven Rambin April Rose Elisabeth Harnois Katie Cassidy Rosci Diaz
Aubrey Plaza Alice Eve
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace Jamie Chung
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha Janina Gavankar
Emma Roberts Natalie Martinez
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood Nina Adgal Manti T'eo's Fake Girlfriend Anne V <--How the fuck does a nobody get away being in the Hot 100 with a letter as a last name Brittney Palmer Joanna Krupa Emilia Clarke
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz Emily VanCamp
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams Kamala Harris
Shakira Bar Paly
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara Nina Dobrev Ashley Greene Yvonne Strahovski Naya Rivera
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester Berenice Marlohe Adrianne Palicki Sarah Shahi
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere Ronda Rousey
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson Arianny Celeste
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus
Ok, now let's go ahead and remove those names I've crossed out:
Zooey Deschanel
Allison Williams
Aubrey Plaza
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha
Emma Roberts
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Shakira
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus
So our Maxim Hot 100 is now a Maxim Hot 65. 35 women were taken off the list for being a "Who the Fuck is that" Member. All of these names are recognizable to men. They have been in movies that guys have seen and not just some chick on an E! show or whatever those no-names are famous for. Now let's try to validate their position on the Hot 100 list. I'm going to point out some of the faults with this list:
Zooey Deschanel
Allison Williams
Aubrey Plaza
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace - Her worst fault is that she runs like a weirdo. Huge turn-off.
Hoda Kotb - What the Fuck is she doing on this list? She looks like a Kristen Wiig SNL character, but she's a real person. She's 48 and I can think of hotter 48 year olds.
Ke$ha - This is what garbage looks like when in it's in female form.
Emma Roberts - Coattail rider of the century.
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood - Playboy Playmate. Also not really fair to put her on this list since Attack of the Show isn't really on air anymore.
Candice Swanepoel - Victoria Secret Model, kind of cheating too put her on the list.
Stacy Keibler - If she wasn't dating George Clooney, I don't think she would be on this list.
Cameron Diaz
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Shakira
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden - I don't know if she's famous enough. She plays Cerie on 30 Rock, and barely had any lines.
Blake Lively
Heather Graham - She should be thanking her lucky stars that she was put in The Hangover and The Hanggover Part III. She hasn't been relevant otherwise.
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt - I don't know if she's hotter than the majority of the people that come before her, like Kate Upton, or Olivia Wilde, or Megan Fox. Yeah, she's not.
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus
Because of this list, and Miley topping it, I would not be surprised to see a large number of long haired girls buzz it off in hopes to make their man more attracted to them, but then end up dumped because of it. Keep the locks ladies, we like long hair.
Another peev with this list, is that no group of men will agree on it. This is Maxim, a magazine mostly dominated by male readers, and this Hot 100 is just a list of people that probably 2 people agreed on. I'd like to see the credentials of the writers of these lists and then see who they have been sleeping with. Because that's the ultimate credential. If this list were made by George Clooney, Leo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, and like one other guy, then we would at least be able to expect something. But this list is now just anonymous graffiti and no one knows who is pushing who to the top.
I saw we drop the Maxim Hot 100 as Men, and then find a new way to rank attractive women.
Finally, the worst part of this list is that these people were left off of it: Isla Fisher, Gillian Jacobs, Anna Kendrick, Julie Bowen (hotter than Hoda Kotb), Hannah Simone, Rashida Jones, Jennifer Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow (somehow was just awarded most perfect body or whatever), January Jones, and so on and so forth.
I don't get it. I hope we fix this, even though this is the definition of a first world problem.
Okay, so I have to back track a bit. I'm going to italicize the bad things and make the good things in bold font. If I checked facebook from the last year until now (checking)...
So last year on Cinco de Mayo, I went down to New Bedford to visit some old college friends and drink. It was there that I realized that UMass Dartmouth had put up a windmill and was in the midst of building a new building. As of now, I think they are going to need a lot more renovations to save their admissions if you've been watching the news lately.
I also changed around my living room and didn't have a roommate at this time last year. I also cleaned out my shed this time last year. I know this because I can see it happening on Facebook. I went to see Primus with my friends Jack and Bill at the Boston Opera House (at least I think it's the Opera House).
What's really funny is that this time last year, the Great Gatsby trailer was released and you know what? The movie is STILL not out yet. That's how awful I plan for this movie to be. This movie trailer has been surfaced for more than a year. It's also showing in 3D, which is now the stamp for "we need to make so much money off this movie it sucks this bad".
My summer of 2012 was pretty fun as well. I went down the Vineyard to party it up with my friend Travis. I love the Vineyard in the summertime. I also had a nice weekend down the cape with the whole family together. That was a really fun time. It was nice to see everyone under one roof for the short time that we had. I started reading George Pelecanos books and haven't got back to them since finishing the first one. I also spent a couple of weekends during last summer getting "certified" to become a bartender. I trained with about 25 other people my age to become a bartender, but I have yet to get a job as a bartender. I know, my fault.
I turned 26 last year, which is a useless birthday to celebrate. My cell phone also broke and had to use one of the cell phones that my friend Jon had sitting in his desk. I still have it now and it's a great paper weight. I ended up bidding for one on Ebay that was identical to mine since I didn't have the money to sign up for a new one and my contract wasn't yet up.
The Olympics happened, which was entertaining. The Red Sox made a $250 Million dollar trade. I was still working at the same job I am now and I broke my promise of trying to switch jobs and get the hell out of Bank of America.I joined a Fantasy Football league in which I made a slew of new friends and went to Mohegan Sun, made week to week bets with other guys and just had a great time overall. Can't wait for that again this year. I found a retained a roommate that is still living with me. I had my wisdom teeth removed, which was nice to take some time off of work, and is documented on my Tumblr. I learned how to wrap my face in bandages in case there is anything wrong with my jaw.
There was a huge hurricane in New England that flooded most of Quincy. I was Bane for Halloween, in which I won Scariest Costume at a costume party. The NFL had their whole Referee dilemma which turned into a real clusterfuck, and then one week in Miami, this happened. Fast-forwarding through Winter, I learned how to use the snowblower. I spent New Years Eve in Boston, which was fun for doing something new. I went to Memphis for work, which was fun for the two weeks I was there. I ate much barbecue, I would've gained probably 30 pounds if I stayed there more than 2 weeks. I came home to a huge snowstorm that nearly ruined all of the Northeast. I found out that after working in Memphis, I think that a life in traveling is very much up my alley.
I started this website through GoDaddy, called NoMoreGoofs.com. It started out as a business idea for movie studios that would want to cut down on the number of "Goofs" that occur in movies. Pretty much a small money idea that would help people clean up some of the mistakes that audiences are quicker to catch. I haven't really touched it since I started it and it's pretty much been just a domain that I paid $80 dollars for 3 years.
I did get started in my journey to become Debt-Free. I've paid off 2 of 3 credit cards. I've been trying to work hard getting more money and cutting back my expenses. It's a journey and not getting any other bites on jobs has made this hard. I think getting a part-time job along with a new full-time job is really the next big thing I need to shift into a higher gear.
To summarize my last year, it's been several things up and several things down. I feel that some of the ups in my life have been related to other things that don't really involve me. As if my happiness can be quantified by which movies are in theaters. In terms of relationships, it's been mostly down, but I keep trying to find a new person to meet. Dating sucks. I've made probably one female friend out of maybe 5 or 6 that I've gone on a date with. Maybe I need some outside help that I have yet to seek. Let's hope that this next year is going on the up and up.
So in this third edition of the 30 day blog post challenge: I am to blog about my top 5 pet peeves. This is assuming I can cut my list down from infinity to 5. I have many problems with many things. I don't know exactly which ones I would rank near the top. Although, I'm guessing that a Pet Peeve is a just a small problem that goes from a bug-bite to an infestation of hives over time, while never being really cured. I won't put these in any order, but I will try to list 5.
One thing that continuously irritates me is when a company or brand comes out and releases something that they think is so fresh and so new, but when it's brought out to the public, it's a piece of crap idea. Netflix's Qwikster idea comes to mind. So does Google Glass and Google Driver. My friend and I figured out that if no one has to drive a car for a person, that person can go drive around with both hands free. Meaning that if a pedophile wanted to stay within the speed limits of a school zone and just masturbate in a car while the car drives itself, we've created a bigger problem than needed. The Google Glass problem is that now we get to see what it's like for a person to see what they are doing. Now imagine if a porn star got a hold of Google Glass and decided to have a guy finish on said glasses. Congrats on making a new POV-style of porn Google. Oh and Google Driver? Thank you for creating a way for pedophiles to enjoy school zones and for creating a new idea for movie: when two computer driven cars collide, killing everyone.
My second pet peeve is when a parent or an elder hears your warning about something, and is totally shocked when that thing actually happens. I don't know if this just happens to me, but I get it a lot. A parent will HEAR you warn about something, and when that thing actually happens, it's a total shock to them. Maybe it means that my parents don't listen to me. But I know that it happens with other people too.
My third pet peeve is when women get the false notion that guys want something other than what we've always wanted. Ladies, when a guy looks at you, he's not looking at your nails, or your earrings, or your bracelets, or anything else that you've burned calories thinking about. There was a time when a lot of girls dyed their blonde hair jet black and caked on the bronzer. You know, to look like Kim Kardashian. Well Kim K is really known for having a huge ass first and foremost. We do not like her because she has tanned skin and black hair. We like her because of her giant round tanned ass.
My fourth pet peeve is when you go out to a friend's and if there isn't music blaring all the time, then there is something wrong with the scene. I enjoy conversations and also enjoy when there is that moment when everyone stops talking simultaneously. This next part can go in 4-b: when one person is hell-bent on controlling the ipod or music throughout the whole party. Whoever's house it is you are at, should control the music. If they have an ipod dock, figure out who has the best playlists and let that person and ONLY that person control the music. I can't stand when I see 8 ipods near one iDock and everyone jumps in to play one or two songs leading to discussions like "Your music sucks" "No you suck" "F*** you" "Eat sh**", etc.
My fifth and final pet peeve, which will probably be a crime in the future first world: when a person working at a coffee place gets a coffee order wrong. The way I see it, when a coffee person, who may or may not have full citizenship in the USA, gets a coffee order wrong, it creates a ripple effect for at least one person. Now, since I live in Mass., Dunkin Donuts has this thing on lockdown in terms of drive-thru and whatnot. Most people around here get Dunkin Donuts and McDonald's coffee. Which is funny when you look at it; you might have trouble figuring out whose breakfast sandwiches are more disgusting. Now it doesn't take a genius to realize that the person working the drive-thru or in the back at a Dunkin Donuts might be from a different country and may not get the order exactly how you wanted it. Usually when this happens, it makes a person's morning difficult and they get upset for the whole day. In the future, when productivity is so important for a person's job, the culprit for most slumps and firings will be blamed on breakfasts and coffee orders. What a day that would be.
Have an OKCupid account? How about a PlentyOFish account? Zoosk? Match.com? Eharmony? Tagged? Or some random other online dating website or app devoted to getting you matched up with someone that's perfect for you? Good. Now disable it. I've been through the online dating realm for a little over 2 years. Maybe longer. I've gone on multiple dates with many different girls. Most of them, have ended the same way: The guy starts the messaging, the girl maybe writes back, you plan a date, you meet both meet up, you probably make out (or hug meaning you're never going to see her again), and then you maybe go on another date.
The trouble in online dating usually starts with making out a profile page that you think will attract someone to your liking. In your own head, you're thinking "should I include a ton of interests?, Should I say I'm 'down to earth' like everyone else?, Do I include a bathroom selfie?, which picture makes me look thinner than I am now?, How old of a woman do I think I can handle?" and so on. Most of the questions you ask in your head end up being hilarious tweets when you think about it. So you spend all this time trying to sculpt this profile, and then when you look at everyone else's they all say the same thing. Every girl is down to earth, joining online dating because their friends had "success", tired of the bar scene, wants a guy that can make them laugh, enjoys a glass of wine on their couch and watching a movie on Friday nights, and they all hate guys that take selfies with their shirt off (selfies are pictures you take in the bathroom in case you didn't know).
Then when you finally find someone you think can tolerate your face for an hour or two, you try to write a message to them. Now, there's a good chance that no matter how sincere or nice or cool you sound in your message, that girl will not respond to you. I don't exactly know the ins and outs of crafting the perfect message, but it seems that the normal sounding girls are the ones who do not respond (sorry if any of my previous dates are upset over this). And even when you plan to meetup at a bar (make sure the first date is not dinner) there is still the possibility the girl will get cold feet and make an excuse that she has to work late on a Saturday night and not as a bartender.
The reason I mentioned that the first date should not be dinner is because dinner is the worst place to meet someone for. For one, every girl hates eating in front a man. Now I have no problems eating in front a woman. I will eat until I'm full. Most girls will order as many drinks as you, but as soon as that shared pizza comes out, they will pick take 3 bites and then pick at the crust. Also splitting a bill at the end just makes things weird because if the girl wants to go dutch on it, she doesn't want to have to owe you, meaning sex or any making out is probably out the door. The worst is having to deal with a waitress who can figure out you're on a first date and gets really into it and making comments. I use waitress and not waiter because any dude knows better than to show any emotion toward awkward situations such as first dates.
At some point in the date, you've realized that you have nothing to talk about. You like sports, she could care less. She likes HBO's Girls, and you hate Lena Dunham with her naked tattooed body. If you were smart and went to a bar (where drinks will go down fast and conversations will get interesting), you can get drunk alone, get drunk together, or both get drunk and laid if you're lucky by the end of the night.
The problems with online dating, is that after the first or next few dates. You wonder about the next steps in dating: introduction to friends and family. Do you want to say that you met someone online based on algorithms and profile likenesses? How do people react when they hear that? What if she doesn't like any of my friend's? What I don't like her friends? Why do we always meet when we're not sober? Is this girl interesting when she's not sober? How would my parents feel about this? Has anything she's said send red flags? Can I make up a lie as to how we met so it doesn't sound like we're both losers?
It's that last question that really hinders in your mind. Your friends ask "hey are we going to meet this girl you've been dating?" And you think "I don't know, maybe," when in your head you think about how other people have perceived you from pretty much just looking to the internet for something that you cannot do in person, face to face.
Online dating has no real future. It'll be a fad while desperate singles will jump to dating sites after one gets tiring. Finding a good relationship will not come in the form of slimming profile pictures, shared interests, and what you spend your Friday nights doing. It comes from going different places, running into old friends, and meeting new ones. So, lose the online persona, put on a decent shirt, and go out there and meet someone.
