Fat Guy in a Little World: The Ninja Mega Kitchen System and Why Bald Guys With Glasses Have to Promote things.

So I woke up this weekend and figured I would turn on some TV to see what is on since I didn't want to watch Netflix programming. I came across this infomercial about a blender since I just love making smoothies. However, the guy doing the infomercial is just another "made in the board room" personality. They occur all the time. Just look at Food Network and tell me that these personalities weren't decided upon by a group of people thinking viewers of all backgrounds could relate. Why the image of someone is ranked higher than the actual demonstration of a person is beyond me.

If you've ever seen an episode of MasterChef, or even a commercial, you can tell what I'm talking about. Let met illustrate.

In this picture are the hosts/judges on the Master Chef show. On the left is Joe Bastianich, who is a chef who I swear could've seen on Bravo's Top Chef when I watched daytime TV and worked nights. Looks like a stylish chef who probably won't cook for you unless you've ordered a pricey wine and don't mind eating tiny portioned meals. Next in line is Chef Gordon Ramsay, who is known for telling everyone in the restaurant business their dishes are salty, bland, or dog's bollocks. On the left is a man who looks like Chaz Bono. I'm not kidding, go google Chaz Bono. I'll wait.

(waiting)

Ok, see the resemblance? Now, if you were the producers of the TV show, why wouldn't you just have the third judge be a woman? I remember seeing an episode of this show with family, and one person chimed in, "What makes me trust this person?". That question alone shows that the decisions involved in a cooking competition show are made by people who are worried about relating to all types of viewers rather than the quality of content.

The tattoos, the funky glasses, the LA looks hair, and the fact that he never wears a suit, is a dead giveaway that the producers want to reach hipster-foodies who may or may not look like Chaz Bono. Not to take anything away from this show or the Chefs on it, but ONE WOMAN COULD RELATE MORE TO YOUR VIEWERS THAN ANYONE WITH TATTOOS AND HIPSTER GLASSES!!!!!!! (I know TV producers aren't reading this, but it needed to be yelled)

Now I know that high-stakes cooking is all the rage with TV watchers and "I can totally relate to the weird one" viewers. I just don't understand why the producers don't get one woman judge on this show. Other high-stakes cooking shows have made the jump, so why not this one.

We all know the scenario at one of the dish tastings. Chef Joe B walks up to the table, stares at the cook and then the dish with a questionable look that Patton had when he went to Russia. He tastes the dish praying he doesn't die, but also looking pissed for being paid millions to eat food in front of a camera.

You call this shit Tapas! Whack!

Gordon Ramsay walks over picking up the fork, moving around some of the food while saying "F*** me" or "F***ing Hell" and then tasting it. Probably has 14-15 wrinkles show up on his forehead in the process and then heads back to the judges stand. I'm guessing the Hipster-Judge walks over and tastes the food looking completely satisfied that he is getting paid to eat food in front of a camera with some Tommy Bahama shirt on. Now that I think about it, maybe the fat-hipster guy is the normal one and the two uptight pricks are just uptight pricks who steal tips from kitchen staff.

But back to the blender infomercial that has the guy fist-pumping the blender working. Can the image of a fat man with hipster glasses just be inviting for some people? Maybe the sight of a heavyset bald man just seems a bit intense? Maybe a thin Ty Pennington looking guy with a flavor saver just doesn't appeal anymore? Who knows, but the answer lies within our brains. If it is true about fat guys with hipster glasses, maybe I need to get a pair of Warby Parker's.

Here's what I was talking about: