Things Guys Do To Just Get Laid

If you didn't know this, it's because you aren't looking at the picture hard enough.  Men are primal creatures. We are predators.  We will do anything to get in the sack with women.  Especially if its with women we find attractive.  In fact, it's almost become comical how much guys will get into things before they realize that they have been duped into making a fool out of themselves.  If we see a hot group of women doing something that we aren't doing, we will instantly gravitate toward that thing.  Don't believe me?  Then you aren't seeing it, or you're just naive.

Attending Rallies That We Have No Point of Attending 

Guess what?  All these guys in this picture are probably getting laid.  Why?  Because they took a stand on something that involves women than it does men.  They probably thought to themselves, well this doesn't involve me at all, but there sure are a lot of women over here.  This was well illustrated in an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia as seen below.  Plus there was a hilarious bit by Chris Rock in one of his stand ups.

Taking Extracurricular Classes or Going to Grad School

This dude right here is a straight up gangster.  Probably has his Masters in Political Science or whatever, and he probably met his bottom bitch girlfriend there too.  If he didn't go to Grad School, he'd still be working at Staples pushing Copy Paper and Ink Jet Printers to confused Mom's buying shit for their husbands.  Going to Grad School doesn't necessarily get you a better job, but it will certainly get you laid.  And women are always looking for men to go out with in grad school, there is evidence here and here.  If a woman is earning a higher degree than most men, why are we even bothering competing against her?  Let he get the degree and the higher paycheck.  Don't waste calories!

Cooking Classes

These two guys, not wearing chef's hats?  They are totally getting laid.  Now I understand people not knowing how to cook.  But at what point did we need to attend classes in order to meet the people that were learning how to cook.  Now I'm no idiot, but there is an overwhelming majority of women that couldn't cook if there life depended on it.  I'm guessing we can attribute some of this nation's weight gain on the care-takers not knowing how to cook for their kids, leading them to go out and spend money on food that they don't really know the nutritional value of.  It's good that at least one of the two people in a relationship know how to cook well.  Now when a guy learns how to cook, he usually finds something he wants to eat and then figures out what else goes good with it.  A typical bachelor that knows how to cook will not yield a girlfriend in anyway (I'm living proof of this and I know other single people who know how to cook from scratch).  A female that knows how to cook (not just bake cookies or boil spaghetti) will probably have solidified a boyfriend.  Why?  Because a good cooking female will render a male who doesn't want to cook.  Some women could care less about food and think that a bagel and frosting is a meal.  It's not a meal, it's horrendous.  Men like when a woman can cook, while women don't really put "he can cook" on the first things they look for in a man.

Spin Class

I don't know if many other people know this, but Spin Class is actually terrible for you.  It can result in vaginal mutilation, increases in lactic acid, and doesn't really help you lose weight.  Now I know that most women, in order to feel good about working out, they find a friend, go to the gym together, and if they offer spin classes, they sign their friend and them up for a couple sessions.  Men go to the gym, throw around weights, and then go home.  Do men really need to take spin classes?  No.  Why do we?  Because women take spin classes and some place that you can meet another person.

Electronic Dance Music Shows

Guess what?  Everyone that goes to one of these shows is either 1) really into EDM 2) on drugs 3) both or 4) looking to get laid by a someone from the previous three options.  EDM crowds usually have some of the most physically fit human beings.  Don't believe me?  Go to a Country concert then go to an EDM concert.  The people at the country concert are barbecuing and drinking Jack Daniels while the EDM goers are probably not drinking alcohol and dancing rampantly.  Now if there is an EDM concert and a Country concert going on, you can bet that a healthy majority of men will do whichever concert they see the hotter women at.  Now look at the dude in this picture, in the bottom left corner.  If he were wearing that Transformers hat when he wasn't at a concert, he wouldn't get laid ever.  Same goes for any of the dudes in this picture.  But guess what, they are there because women are there.

Yoga/Pilates

The top picture is what you would see if you were to randomly walk into a pilates studio.  The bottom picture is a depiction of what men are really doing at a yoga class.  Hot women in a room with tight pants on putting their ass in the air for an hour?  Count me in!  Dudes, we have no business being in a yoga class or pilates class.  If your Grandfather who fought in a war and built bridges, signed up to do a yoga class, everyone would've questioned his sexuality.  Now that there are options for Americans other than fighting wars and building bridges, we have to think about whether we want to get into Yoga or Pilates.  A man's version of exercise is playing a sport or lifting heavy objects.  We managed to turn long walks in well-landscaped areas into a sport (Golf for any idiots out there).

Skinny Jeans

If this dude isn't into other dudes, he's getting laid by a woman.  Why?  Because women like men that wear skinny jeans.  Why?  WHO THE HELL KNOWS!  Skinny jeans decrease your sperm count.  You can barely get a boner in them.  And they just aren't comfortable!  Imagine if your buddies caught you out with skinny jeans on.  Do they think, what the hell are you doing?, or do they think 'Oh, your trying to get laid right now?  If you and your friends were to go to a sporting event, would you think about wearing skinny jeans?  NO!  I cannot think of any activity that men would do in a group that would warrant skinny jeans other than picking up women.

Being Vegan on Purpose

I'm proud to say that when I googled "men being vegan" I found an article about Katie Aselton, better known as the wife from The League, as well as director of Black Rock, does not like a Vegan male.  THANK GOD THAT WE'VE FOUND ONE!  She cited going out with a guy to get a burger.  The article itself is kind of a "well she should involve herself with our cause".  No she shouldn't.  Vegan males are pussies.  Would it be manly to go out for for burgers and ask "Do you guys have any Vegan options?"  NO!  I hope that no woman should ever go through that pain of sitting down for a date and realizing that their date is a giant tool.  Men should be manly.  We love steak.  Go meat!


What I am trying to illustrate here is that if anyone were to think that Women aren't funny, look at how stupid they make men look.  That is the ultimate joke.  The other point I'm trying to make is that Men should just be Men and do what they want to do and hopefully someone will notice them if they get good at it.