Friday, March 29, 2013

Why Online Dating isn't the way to go

Have an OKCupid account?  How about a PlentyOFish account?  Zoosk?  Match.com?  Eharmony? Tagged?  Or some random other online dating website or app devoted to getting you matched up with someone that's perfect for you?  Good.  Now disable it.  I've been through the online dating realm for a little over 2 years.  Maybe longer.  I've gone on multiple dates with many different girls.  Most of them, have ended the same way:  The guy starts the messaging, the girl maybe writes back, you plan a date, you meet both meet up, you probably make out (or hug meaning you're never going to see her again), and then you maybe go on another date.

The trouble in online dating usually starts with making out a profile page that you think will attract someone to your liking.  In your own head, you're thinking "should I include a ton of interests?, Should I say I'm 'down to earth' like everyone else?, Do I include a bathroom selfie?, which picture makes me look thinner than I am now?, How old of a woman do I think I can handle?" and so on.  Most of the questions you ask in your head end up being hilarious tweets when you think about it.  So you spend all this time trying to sculpt this profile, and then when you look at everyone else's they all say the same thing.  Every girl is down to earth, joining online dating because their friends had "success", tired of the bar scene, wants a guy that can make them laugh, enjoys a glass of wine on their couch and watching a movie on Friday nights, and they all hate guys that take selfies with their shirt off (selfies are pictures you take in the bathroom in case you didn't know).


Then when you finally find someone you think can tolerate your face for an hour or two, you try to write a message to them.  Now, there's a good chance that no matter how sincere or nice or cool you sound in your message, that girl will not respond to you.  I don't exactly know the ins and outs of crafting the perfect message, but it seems that the normal sounding girls are the ones who do not respond (sorry if any of my previous dates are upset over this).  And even when you plan to meetup at a bar (make sure the first date is not dinner) there is still the possibility the girl will get cold feet and make an excuse that she has to work late on a Saturday night and not as a bartender.

The reason I mentioned that the first date should not be dinner is because dinner is the worst place to meet someone for.  For one, every girl hates eating in front a man.  Now I have no problems eating in front a woman.  I will eat until I'm full.  Most girls will order as many drinks as you, but as soon as that shared pizza comes out, they will pick take 3 bites and then pick at the crust.  Also splitting a bill at the end just makes things weird because if the girl wants to go dutch on it, she doesn't want to have to owe you, meaning sex or any making out is probably out the door.  The worst is having to deal with a waitress who can figure out you're on a first date and gets really into it and making comments.  I use waitress and not waiter because any dude knows better than to show any emotion toward awkward situations such as first dates.

At some point in the date, you've realized that you have nothing to talk about.  You like sports, she could care less.  She likes HBO's Girls, and you hate Lena Dunham with her naked tattooed body.  If you were smart and went to a bar (where drinks will go down fast and conversations will get interesting), you can get drunk alone, get drunk together, or both get drunk and laid if you're lucky by the end of the night.

The problems with online dating, is that after the first or next few dates.  You wonder about the next steps in dating: introduction to friends and family.  Do you want to say that you met someone online based on algorithms and profile likenesses?  How do people react when they hear that?  What if she doesn't like any of my friend's?  What I don't like her friends?  Why do we always meet when we're not sober?  Is this girl interesting when she's not sober?  How would my parents feel about this?  Has anything she's said send red flags?  Can I make up a lie as to how we met so it doesn't sound like we're both losers?

It's that last question that really hinders in your mind.  Your friends ask "hey are we going to meet this girl you've been dating?"  And you think "I don't know, maybe," when in your head you think about how other people have perceived you from pretty much just looking to the internet for something that you cannot do in person, face to face.

Online dating has no real future.  It'll be a fad while desperate singles will jump to dating sites after one gets tiring.  Finding a good relationship will not come in the form of slimming profile pictures, shared interests, and what you spend your Friday nights doing.  It comes from going different places, running into old friends, and meeting new ones.  So, lose the online persona, put on a decent shirt, and go out there and meet someone.

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