My Brain's "Memory" is Overloaded

Here's the problem with the world.  There's too much.  Too much what?  Too much of everything.  Too many books, too many audiobooks, too many movies, too many TV shows, too many podcasts, too many blogs, too many foods, too many songs, too many magazines, too many phones, too many apps, too many coffees, too many jokes, too many twitter accounts, too many tumblr's, too many bars, too many drinks, too many instagrams, too many flavors, and I could go on FOR-EV-ER.

What I means by Brain's memory, I mean like a computer's memory.  When you are doing too many things at once, your computer gets slow and can sometimes just shut down.  When I find myself getting caught up in too many things, my brain just needs to shut down and forget about a couple of things.

As I sit here, I am listening to one of the 20(!) podcasts that I listen to.  It's the Grantland Sports podcast with Jalen Rose, Dave Jacoby, and Bill Simmons.  I have 32 podcasts on my ipod that are unlistened to.  Let's see what else I have too many things of in my life:

Books I intend on reading: Inferno, Mark Twain, Jack London, Bukowski, George Pelecanos, Chuck Palahniuk's new book (whenever it comes out), Writing for Profit and Fun by Thomas Lennon, Steve Martin's book, Rodney Dangerfield's book, All The Rave: Inside Napster, Four Hour Chef, most of the Hunter S. Thompson books I own besides Hell's Angels, Fear and Loathing in LV, Great Shark Hunt, Everything is Perfect When You're a Liar, The How of Happiness (among other self help books), Save the Cat!, Don Winslow's books, David Thorne's two books, Pat Riley's Book, Jackie MacMullin's "When The Game Was Ours", Shaq's book, Phil Jackson's book (whenever it comes out), Chuck Klosterman's books, Patton Oswalt's book, The Steve Jobs book, whatever audiobooks are on my iPod that haven't listed yet and some of Neal Stephenson's books.  I didn't count, but that's about 3 years of just reading for me.  Just if I stopped and began reading, that would be so many god damned hours of reading.  I love audiobooks because it scales down reading from days and weeks to hours.

Movies to watch: I scaled it down from 140 movies and TV shows to 36 movies and 24 TV shows.  Most of the TV shows are British TV shows, whose seasons are usually 6 episodes long.  So, 60 movies/TV shows NOT INCLUDING what is currently on TV that I watch.  So you can add about 3-4 hours per week of TV to those numbers.

Twitter Accounts I follow: I recently scaled it down from 500 twitter followers to about 350.  If people are reading this and are finding out I don't follow them anymore (friends, etc.) it's because I don't find enjoyment from your tweets, intellectually or comically.  Following twitter accounts and keeping up with the trends can take endless ours of my life.

Places to Eat: Every new place in Boston/Cambridge/Somerville that are trendy and delicious.  I think according to my Thrillist, there are about 200 restaurants that I have not been to, but have probably showed some interest in going to.  Eating at these places would probably take about an hour, maybe a half an hour if I was lucky.

Podcasts: Adam Carolla Podcast: 90-100 minutes episodes every week day, Adam and Dr. Drew podcast: 60 minutes twice/three times a week, Nerdist: 60 minutes maybe twice a week, This American Life podcast: 60 minutes a week, Girl on Guy podcast: 90-120 minutes once a week, Aoki's House: 1 hour per week, Basketball Jones Podcast: 40-60 minutes every week day, Dave Ramsey podcast: 40 minutes per day, Dada Life: 60 minutes per month, Dr. Drew podcast: 60 minutes twice a week, Baseball Tonight Podcast: 40 minutes per week day, Bill Simmons' B.S. report: 60 minutes 2-3 times a week, Film Vault: 90 minutes once a week, Dyro Podcast: 60 minutes a week, Tiesto podcast: 60 minutes a week, Hardwell podcast: 60 minutes a week, Grantland Sports podcast: 40-60 minutes 3 times a week, ARIYNBF (look it up): Total 150 minutes a week in 2 podcasts, the White Panda's panda waves: 60 minutes per month, Bill Maher's podcast: 70 minutes a week.  And that's it.  That is so much listening to do in a month.  It's overwhelming, but I enjoy every one of those podcasts.  I need to scale down those podcasts even further to get to the music portion of my ipod.

Magazines: Wired, GQ, and I still get ESPN magazine even though I'm not paying for it anymore.

This is what I mean: I get too engulfed in consuming media that I forget to sit down and create for myself.  I'm happy that I got into gardening because it will literally produce something over time and won't just give me a headache after all the time I spend on it.  The time it took me to write all of those out and figure out what each of those will suck out of my life is about 90 minutes.  I listened to 2 podcasts in that time.  That's gross.

Want to know what's even the worst part?  I haven't even put in the time I spend making meals, driving to and from places, doing chores, exercising, watching sports (3+ hours per event) and going out on weekends, oh, and JOB SEARCHING!  The absolute worst part is that I feel like I'm stuck if I ever want to get into something new or want to go out and learn something.  I always feel I'm stuck in a routine that I have a hard time breaking.

I'd love to live in a world where I could get paid to consume all this media.  I know it's over my head, but I can't find a solution to most of these kinds of things.  I cut down my Netflix queue based upon what movies I could talk with my friends about.  I stopped going out and drinking for sports games I don't care about.  I started deleting podcasts I don't think I would enjoy or would see as a waste of an hour.  It's a process, but I just need to take the steps to eliminate the waste in my life, as depressing as that sounds.

2013 Summer Movies I (for the most part) Plan on Seeing....

Movies!  I love talking movies.  I love talking about how they were made, who was in what, who directed what, if there are homages to other movies, I love it all.

Fast 6 - SAW IT AND LOVED IT - It was awesome and it was everything that I expected it to be.  Can't wait for Fast 7, which has been announced and will star a certain bad guy that makes for great bad guys.

This is the End - Cannot wait to see this.  Everyone of my favorite comedy actors in the last 10 years (James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Aziz Ansari, Michael Cera, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride,  etc) is in the movie.  It looks great and I can't wait to spend time to watch it.

The World's End - Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and director Edgar Wright.  They make nothing but gold.  Shaun of the Dead was amazing.  Hot Fuzz was amazing.  There is a 100% chance that this is amazing.  The British do so much better than Americans in comedy.  They really do.

The Internship - Kind of skeptical about this.  I loved Wedding Crashers.  But it's now like these two are getting jobs as Google Interns instead of crashing weddings.  I don't know if old men humor works on guys that seem like they are in their 30's.

Much Ado About Nothing - I'm only interested in this because I think that Joss Whedon can make anything work after seeing Cabin In the Woods and The Avengers.  I mean, come on.  Joss Whedon anything is just awesome.

Rapture-Palooza - Another "apocalomedy" where comedians are taking over the end of the world.  Craig Robinson is also in this one.  I think the trailer looked funny, but it might not be for everyone.  But Anna Kendrick is amazing.  So I'll see it.

The Man of Steel - This is the comic book movie of the year and it hasn't even come out yet.  I'm very skeptical of this mainly because I'm not sure about Zach Snyder, I'm not sure about Chris Nolan producing, and I just don't seem to be in love with Superman like everyone else is.

World War Z - Probably the most overplayed trailer in movies.  I didn't read the book, but I'm guessing that people who did will love this endlessly.  If I do end up seeing this, I hope that the CGI isn't as telling as it is in the trailer.

White House Down - There was a movie exactly like this out earlier this year, so I'm not seeing it.

The Heat - Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy playing buddy cops.  I think that's all we need to know.

Despicable Me 2 - I laughed several times during this trailer.  I didn't see the first one, but that's because I didn't know anything about it.  Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell in cartoon voices.  I loved the trailers.

The Way, Way Back - Steve Carell again.  This time about a kid who is on vacation with his family.  Could be interesting.  Haven't seen the trailer, but I have heard many good things about this.

Pacific Rim - I think this is going be like a real life version of Voltron, except that something has gone wrong on Earth, not in space.  Imagine if our governments had used this much money to make things that were available to do this.  I don't know what to think

R.I.P.D. - Men in Black, but with dead people instead of Aliens.  That was definitely the pitch for this movie to get made.

Only God Forgives - Ryan Gosling and the Drive director return to make this movie about a fighter.  Or something like that.  Haven't heard too much other than it's Gosling and the Drive director again.

The To-Do List - Aubrey Plaza is hipster-gold right now.  Plus if it's her doing a bunch of sex stuff, then it's totally going to win whatever weekend it comes out on.  Chris Bosh might see it too (twitter joke).

Elysium - Jason Bourne has a robotic body and takes on Paradise.  That was the pitch for this movie.  I love the idea of this movie and I can't wait for Damon to make it awesome.

We're The Millers - Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston are back at it again making a film, in which Aniston is playing a stripper and that's all I know.

Kick-Ass 2 - I loved the first one.  Chloe Grace Moretz was hilarious as a foul mouthed 13 year old.  Christopher Mintz Plasse is awesome as well.  Can't wait to see the sequel of this comic book sequel.

Drinking Buddies - Olivia Wilde, Jake Johnson, Anna Kendrick (swoons).  Sounds like a solid indie comedy that I hope gets it's due.  I like the people in this movie.  I couldn't find a trailer, so the only video I could find is of Anna K.

Machete Kills - Another awesome sequel.  Danny Trejo with Knives is the best thing ever.  Rob Rod is a great director.  Some may not like the cliche violence, but that's what you get.

Planting your Garden...

So me and my neighbors have started planting our gardens.  We set our rows and planted our vegetables.  Being a first time gardener, I just picked up four tomato plants, a green bell pepper plant, a plant of basil, a zucchini plant, and then I started some seeds of Cilantro, Basil, and Mint.

 I started those in pots out back on my porch.  One of the pots I used is a former windshield washer fluid container that I emptied out.  Trust me, I know how clever that seems.  Let's hope that something actually happens and I didn't just ruin a bunch of soil.  I did dump some of the water out from the plastic container since it was a bit overwhelming with water from the night before's rain.  The green pot is Mint and the Yellow pot is Cilantro.

Up close are some of the tomato plants, basil, zucchini, cucumbers, peppers and other things that we planted.  We put down landscaping tarp so that weeds won't get through.  It helps.  But alas, we've been keeping it in the ground with metal spokes, but we've run out and had to use rocks and dirt instead.  

This is the final row that I've done as of today.  It's mostly peppers, cucumbers, zucchini, and I think the last plant at the end is either blueberries or something else.  There are also beans somewhere, but I don't know.  We haven't done a good job of making sure what's what.  We're just planting.   The tomato plant in the foreground does have a pot in it, but it will dissolve.  Which helps with the process.

This is the first row of the opposite side of the garden.  We have flowers, tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, and just a lot of other things that aren't really mine.  My neighbors are really loving this and I'm just getting used to being a first timer and paying attention to certain things.  

Looking down from above, you can see how we laid out the plants and lined them up.  I initially didn't have any plants, so I went to Home Depot and got some.  The plants (starting on the left go as follows): some flowers that my neighbor's girlfriend planted, tomato plants, bell peppers and raspberries are around the metal pole, then lettuce, then cucumbers, squash, some zucchini, blueberries, habanero peppers, strawberries, then my tomato plants, some basil, more peppers, zucchini, and more cucumbers.  Should make for an awesome harvest.  

My neighbor bought the things that surround the plants to grow tall.  I forget what they are called, but I'm just used to putting a stick in the ground next to plants so that they grow alongside the stick instead of falling over when they get hit by wind.  

Some things that we need to do for the future is put up some posts and chicken wire, to keep animals out.  Consistently water and upkeep the garden, and just let mother nature do the rest of the work.  I don't know too much about weather and what we need to worry about, but we get plenty of sunlight in this area.  

Also, now that I'm finding myself more and more useful around the house with other things, I need to find things to do with empty bottles and containers.  I have an empty Hot Sauce bottle, and I just can't seem to find anything to do with it other than put homemade hot sauce in it.  That'll be one of my next projects.  

Movie Theatre Snacks: healthy alternatives

So I was thinking of going to the movies on this Memorial Day.  I usually don't like to spend $6 on raisinets and another $6 on soda or whatnot.  So, what I've got in the habit of doing is buying bulk almonds and sunflower seeds at grocery stores and then putting them in a ziplock bag.  Beats the hell out of eating shitty unhealthy food and also saves some money.  I'm going to see Fast 6 with my brother, so make your jokes, because I thoroughly enjoy these movies now that they've made them heist movies and not just about speedy cars in quarter mile laps in a city.

Starting a Garden. Things you need to know.

Gardening can yield so many things.  Besides the vegetables and fruits, you can learn so many things about soil, vegetation, techniques, fertilizer, timing, and just basic life skills.  From the photo below, you can see that I, along with my neighbors, decided to get the garden that once was back in business.  My grandmother used to grow lots of tomatoes, zucchini, squash, herbs, peppers.  After she passed away, no one really took over the gardening duties.  Now that I've been in her apartment, I decided to make use out of the space since someone that knows something about gardening moved in.

I love the idea of growing my own food in my backyard.  I know that people think, well, what's a tomato cost, $1?  Come on!  Just buy them at the store.  Well, to be honest, I think it's the home-grown tomatoes that actually make the best sauce, the best salsa, and the best salads.  I know the few readers I get each day, this may not seem up their alley.

They don't have time.  They don't have space.  They don't know what to do.  They are clueless.  I am right in that crowd.  So, I ask.  I asked my neighbor since he had some ideas about what to do.  I asked the guys at Ace Hardware what to do after I turn over the soil (that means dig up the grass and shake out the dirt).  I find out that if you are starting your garden in mid-April/May, you should go down to Home Depot and grab some already started plants.  I grabbed 4 tomato plants, a cilantro, a basil, a zucchini, and a green bell pepper.  I also have started some Mint and some Parsley to put into the ground later on.

I must say, that I cannot wait to yield some of the delicious food from the ground.  Imagine if more people knew how to garden instead of just buy stuff from the grocery store.  It's one of those things that's slowly dying out because some people don't want to put in the effort.  But I have a feeling that there will be a hipster surge in gardening.  It's an uncool thing to do, therefore, hipsters will learn to garden, thus bringing it back for a short while.  I may have just outed myself as a hipster.

Part 2 to 30 Day challenges.

So I'm doing the physical 30 day challenge with regards to the 3 short exercises each day.  I'm also doing a black coffee challenge.  Today was my last day of coffee with cream, which felt nice.  I also decided to try to finish off my nights with green tea and/or peppermint tea.  I use the Bigelow brand, which is my favorite.  I like add a squeeze of a lemon, which I hope adds some relaxation effects to when I'm winding down my day.  I don't know too much about tea other than you put it in hot water and it tastes good.  The last thing I hope to achieve is to get my sleeping hours up to 8.  I know my friends love going out a lot during the week, but I need to make peace with my body first.

People At the Gym...

Let's talk about some generic people that are currently somewhere in the world working out and making you take notice of them.

All sorts of people go to gyms, but more often than not, you find that the majority fit into one major group that can be found at multiple gyms.

The Workout Barbie: The girl that doesn't do much exercising or lifting (or needs to), but is usually just on an ellyptical machine in front of a TV.  She usually has the latest in 'cute' workout outfits and just has a gym membership because her friends do.  They love to sign up for boot camps and zumba classes, but prior to those classes, probably played 0-1 sport in high school and college. 

The Fuckin' Huge Dude: the guy that weighs in at 280-300 pounds but is 6% body fat and usually has one tribal tattoo.  He probably spends 2 hours or more at the gym because he works a part time job selling time shares or something terrible.  He interacts with anyone and everyone within 15 feet of him and his weight bench.  Usually seen picking up the 70 lb dumbbells and doing 1 set of 5, and can sometimes grunt in between sets.

The "I'm just here because my doctor says so" guy: Typically older guy who is above 40 years old, never played any sports, and pays more for his gym membership because he didn't shop around.  Also wears glasses.  Can be seen talking to a lot of strangers around him and also talking to the TV.  Might have a weird old set of headphones on with a walkman around his waist.  Also might wear jean shorts while working out.

The "I'm here because there wasn't anyone at the beach, do you tan bro?" Guy: Young, dumb, usually wearing a white polo hat and played lacrosse, hockey, baseball, or any variation of those sports.  Goes to the gym because he needs to find girls to talk to.  Can also be seen lifting up his sleeveless summer baseballl shirt to itch his chest and flash his abs to other gym-goers.  Never really works out, but doesn't need to when he's working at his landscaping job and getting tan. 

The "I like reading, and that's why I'm not in shape" girl: usually on a bike, reading the latest Dan Brown/Nicholas Sparks/George R.R. Martin/E.L. James book because she has to finish the series because its important to her because no one is passionate like these characters and why did my boyfriend leave me and should I get another cat...you get the picture.  She brings water and a book and usually has more of one than the other.  Never sweats, unless she's read over 100 pages in 20 minutes.

The "DudeGuyBro" trainer: lives near a college town and knows every 20-something girl's in the gym phone number and has partied with them at least once.  Has gel in his hair.  Helps elderly by making sure they don't die on a curling machine.  Close friend with "Tan bro".  Has a house on a lake in New Hampshire and will surely invite the Workout Barbie if she's up for it.


Hope you all had a good laugh since most of these are true.  I will expand on these more as I get to find new character's of people at my local gym.  Enjoy!

Condensing my Netflix Queue: And So Can You!

How long is your Netflix queue?  Really, how long is it?  Look at what's coming up next in the mail, or what is supposed to be your next movie to stream?  Have you given that movie any thought in the last month?  If you have, good for you.  If you looked at what's next, and thought "Well, I don't really want to see that," or "Who the hell am I going to watch that movie with?", or "Have any of my friends seen this movie and can I talk about it with anyone?"  If not, it's time to UNCLUTTER your Netflix queue.

Okay, let's start with a few suggestions of how to properly clean up your Queue:

1. Do you share your Netflix Queue with more than 1 person who watches about as many movies as you do?  If so, you might need to do this with them.  Spend some time and figure out if you REALLY NEED to see that documentary about oil drilling or the one about which kinds of foods are killing Americans (I'm not surprised there isn't an instructional video on how to make a food-umentary with all the other spawns of Super Size Me out there).  But seriously, go through each movie together and find the ones that you added to your queue when you were drunk or you just HAD TO SEE based on recommendations from the Netflix algorithm.  
2. Find any and all TV Shows that you've seen on the Netflix front screen for the last year or so, and put those toward the bottom.  Netflix is able to get the contracts to most TV shows since the licensing deals are easier to acquire.  The licensing process for movies takes a while to get because movie studios are a bitch to work with (I'm just assuming from the point of view of Netflix).
3. Follow InstantWatcher on Twitter (if you have a Twitter).  This website is devoted to showing what's moving and what's soon to be expired on Netflix.  They show what's coming soon, how many days are left on each movies contract, and whether or not people are watching these movies currently.  It's a great website.  I don't know why Netflix hasn't overtaken such a website, but it's beyond me why Netflix does anything that it does.  But InstantWatcher can show you lists of NYT's critics picks, Rotten Tomatoes Fresh movies, as well as many other movies.
4. Have a personal policy in place for WHY you would want to see a movie.  For comedies, it's obvious that you would want to see a movie that makes you laugh.  You can apply that to any genre really (horror-you want to be scared, documentary -you want to learn, etc.)  But for other genre's of movies, you should have a reason why seeing this movie is worth your time.  Now I've seen my fair share of Indie movies, but they rarely come up in conversation.  I do talk with a couple of people who are avid movie-watchers like myself, but the discussions of certain movies don't extend beyond that point.  So, if you have a movie in your queue that you don't think your friends will ever talk with you about, it might not be a movie worth your time at the moment.  For instance, let's take a movie like Safety Not Guaranteed.  It's an Indie movie that has some rising stars like Aubrey Plaza, Jake Johnson, and Mark Duplass.  I enjoyed watching it, but none of my immediate friends have seen it, or probably will see it.  Indie movies might not be the movies that your friends talk about, but you like everyone that stars in the movie.  Having a policy like, I'll see this movie because I like the stars in it, or I won't see this movie because my friends won't ever see it thus it's pointless as a discussion topic.  Now, I saw this movie, but I knew that a couple of my friends would have seen it.  Thus, I didn't think it was a waste of my time.  

Now, there are some people out there who are cinephiles or completists who want to watch every kind of movie based on who the director is or who is the starring character.  By putting a personal policy in place for my own tastes, I've cut my Netflix queue down from 160 to 30.  I cut out BBC shows that are no longer on TV that I could watch later, all high-and-mighty documentaries that are just a vehicle for promoting a ridiculous cause, shows that I've already seen every episode of, movies that are too long, and movies from the 1960's or older that carry no significant importance in today's world.  Inversely, I've managed to not bother with movies that are of a bigger vehicle e.g. I haven't seen Thor or Captain America because I saw The Avengers in theaters, thus making it useless to see both and try to connect the two.

I hope these tips help out with uncluttering your streaming life and improve your social capabilities.  

Part 1 of my next 30 day challenge:

I think this is kind of hard to figure out this calendar.  But there are no more breaks every 4th day, its now every 6th day.  I'm going to do this everyday for the next 30 days.  Hopefully something comes of it.  I don't know what Jack-knives are, might need to look that one up.  But I think if I did this with maybe 30 minutes to an hour of cardio every day would really help me lose weight.

Also, I'm thinking of switching to black coffee with no milk or sweetners in it.  I usually make a cup of Keurig Dark Magic in the morning with cinnamon.  P.S. Cinnamon in coffee is pretty god damn delicious.  Also, I might just put almond milk in coffee at home and just get it black when I get coffee other places.

I have a K-cup adapter and use the Marylou's Mocha Mint if I don't feel like cracking open a Dark Magic.  It's pretty good.  I don't always use it because sometimes the flavor is diluted, but when you compare the prices of a pound of keurig coffee to a pound of Marylou's at the store, it's $60 compared to $10.  So there's that reason to never buy Keurig coffee.

I did contemplate doing the No-Meat-Month.  I think it would be kind of hard, but I could just track the number of times I eat meat and what kind of meat it is.  I've been doing the same thing with Alcohol, Soda, Chinese Food, sit down Restaurants, Pizza, and Fast Food.  The good news about Fast Food is that I can't remember a time when I went to McDonald's for food instead of the coffee.  Yes, I go there for coffee, and it's delicious and mostly $1, which Dunkin Donuts can't beat.

Day 30: Your Goals for the Next 30 days

So, this is a milestone!  I reached 30 days of consistently blogging, while also doing a 30 day crunch schedule.  My goals for the next 30 days though?  I have no idea.  I'm looking back at some of the pictures of 30 day physical challenges as well as mental challenges and it's hard to decide.  Here is my previous physical challenge for 30 days:

Now I did make a list of possible list of ideas to either sacrifice or add-on to my daily regimen and they include:

• Learn a software within 30 days
• No Meat
• No Coffee
• Gym everyday, including weekends (60  minutes of cardio)
• Pushups (I have a pushup app that has been dormant in my phone)
• Write for 30 minutes on either my story or screenplay until finished
• No alcohol for 30 days (might be the toughest one)
• Write a short skit that could be used in sketch comedy everyday
• Learn a new language or re-learn spanish
• Read a book that is sitting on my shelf for 30 minutes a day.
• (still thinking of more)

That's a short list, but I'm sure there are a lot of other things I can be doing in my life.  I'm trying to find myself and figure out what I want to do with my life.  I really don't want to have to stick around here and become a plumber or an electrician.  I'd like to move to another city, but until I settle my debts, that is just a (not saying pipe dream because it relates to plumbing) light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know if I'm going to do all or any of those, but I will certainly try my best to keep myself busy to push my strengths and myself forward into the career I want.

Also, if you want to comment or suggest anything, I'm welcoming any and all input.  I'd love to hear back from my readers, even if you are just reading this for the first time.

Day 29: List 10 People Live or Dead You Would Invite to Dinner and Why. Include the Dinner Menu.

This is what I'm talking about!

I would love to a throw a dinner party with a list of historical figures in mind.  So I'm going to try and make it interesting and not include too many of the same kind of people in the same dinner party.  Now to be fair, I'm not going to dive deep into an encyclopedia and rip out some philosopher that I have no goddamn idea who he or she is or what they stand for.  I did some history on some message boards to find out some ideas.  Everyone is apparently really into dining with Ghandi, Jesus, Buddha, and Joan of Arc.  I am not interested in any of those people.  I don't think Ghandi would eat anything because he starved.  Buddha would probably eat too much.  Jesus and Joan of Arc would probably find each other in a separate room and then die tied to planks of wood.  Interesting how those two died in similar fashions.

So I'm mentally making a short list of people I liked in history and would want to sit down and eat with them in an intimate setting.  I figure that I would need to have a big enough house and a nice enough career to let all of their personalities exist in the same area.  I have neither of those right now.

Stanley Kubrick
Director

For one, he is the unofficial greatest director of all time.  Why?  Because he is responsible for some of the most amazing films ever made in cinema.  He didn't make them unless everything was meticulously done his way.  I would figure that such a film buff like myself, I would want to have a nice meal with him, and also get to know a little more about the man responsible for A Clockwork Orange, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining, and Paths of Glory.  If he were alive today, what movie or movies would he have made after Eyes Wide Shut?  He spent nearly a decade making the film and he kept redoing things until they were just right.  I'd like to know if there was anything really going on with him and the Illuminati or NASA or any other of the mythical things that are intertwined in his film-making.  Plus I would ask for some of his techniques in film-making and how he actually thought about making some of the films that he did.

George Carlin
Comedian, Humorist, Actor
He is the greatest stand-up comic to ever live.  Period.  I'm sure that you can make a case for all the comics that don't go dirty or swear.  But George is the reason that comics are now shown on television.  He did his time as the hippy-dippy-weatherman, but he evolved into the funniest person on the planet, churning out stand-up specials like they were nothing.  If anything, I would want to have him at a dinner table, just to be able to crack jokes and keep discussions moving along.  If you ever watch a George Carlin stand-up or listen to the numerous albums he put out over a 50 year career, you will be impressed in how he managed to not only keep track of all of the Words You can't say on Television over the years, but how he kept adapting it and extending it to all his audiences.  I never got to see Carlin during his last years, but I knew a couple of people who did, and I was instantly jealous.  After he died, I turned to Louis C.K. for most of my stand-up because he is the only one that similarly resembles Carlin's format and extensive discussion of "Stuff".  If there was ever a time when he felt like a comic that was struggling, I'd love to find out how he got over those years and what he learned from them.

Tom Hanks
Comic, Actor
There are very few people who have attained the kind of success that Tom Hanks has.  He started out as a baby comic starring in TV Shows like Bosom Buddies and Family Ties.  He then went on to do small 80's comedies that were very clever and very memorable.  One of those 80's comedies, The Burbs, is one of my favorite childhood movies.  It centers around a cul-de-sac of neighbors that are suspicious of one neighbor and it leads down a very funny and very frightening road.  It's actually one of the few comedy-horrors that I love.  It wasn't until the 90's that he really broke out into superstardom.  He starred in A League of Their Own as Jimmy Dugan, a hilarious women's baseball managers.  He starred with Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, one of the few chick flicks that I actually loved (You've Got Mail is another, also with Meg Ryan).  And then he went on to star in Philadelphia, a movie that earned him his first Oscar.  His second Oscar, was for Forrest Gump, which is a lot of people's favorite movie of all time.  Tom Hanks is one of the few people who go from a comedic background into serious acting and manages to stay in contact with his comedic roots.  It's a hard line to walk, but I would want Hanks at my dinner table.

Ken Griffey Jr.
Baseball Player
He is by far, my favorite Major League Baseball player of all time.  He had a sweet swing and has never ever been associated with steroids.  He dominated the outfield with his defense and bullet-throws to the plate.  His swing was so monstrous, that it almost didn't seem natural.  He hit so many huge home runs for the Mariners when they were in the days of Randy Johnson, Jay Buhner, and Alex Rodriguez. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I become suspect that if everyone around him was doing steroids, how does he not?  I don't want to know.  But I think it's always nice to have a superstar sports player at a round-table of interesting people.  I don't really have a favorite football player that I relate to.  I thought about involving Michael Jordan in this "dinner", but by the way he dresses, I thought otherwise.  I have come to realize that Michael Jordan may have been a huge success on the court, but he has been nothing but a misplaced owner/GM of a terrible basketball team.  Ken Griffey though, has been a perfect role model and I just would want to find out everything I could from him.

Banksy
Artist
The first time I remember hearing about Banksy, I was at work, listening to a podcast about movies, and I heard about a documentary made by a street artist about the world or street art, or as many people call "graffiti".  The documentary, "Exit Through The Gift Shop", was probably the best documentary that I saw that year.  It was unbelievable to see someone compose all of the street artists that were unseen and unheard of by everyone else and put into a legitimate story.  I had never heard of Mr. Brainwash and just the idea of a person with so much footage or people tagging buildings and storefronts and making statements is ridiculous to think about.  There was another documentary about Banksy made, called Banksy Comes to Dinner, which is exactly what I want to happen here.  I think he's the coolest artist out there because he speaks from the heart and his medium is out in the open.  It's absolutely amazing to think about him, let alone his accomplishments.

Hunter S. Thompson
Writer, Hell's Angel, Bad Ass
If there is one person I would want to sit down with and talk politics, sports, drugs, experiences, or drinks, it's the good Dr.  He is one of my favorite writers ever.  His book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is one of my favorites and the movie is just as awesome.  His style of writing, Gonzo Journalism, is such an original idea.  It was the kind of idea that only a drug-riddled gun nut who had a penchant for going on Ether binges would do.  I would think that his coverage of the Nixon campaign is one of the best ever.  I can only imagine the kind of discussions and participation that would happen at a table including the most influential journalist of the last 30 years.

Meryl Streep
Actress
It wouldn't be a propper dinner party without the most talented actress of all time.  She is just a huge success.  I would mostly want to ask her about her upbringing and her relationships along the way.  I think there is something to be said about someone who has so much success while being a Mom and having a relationship with one of the most important actors of the 1970's (John Cazale).  She is such a class-act and is always considered a delightful person to work with.  I have no idea, but I would absolutely love to get to know her.  She's played so many wonderful roles in timeless movies.  I think one my favorite roles of her's in actually in The Devil Wears Prada.  That would be another chick flick that I am comfortable saying that I enjoyed watching thoroughly.

Aisha Tyler
Comedian, Actress
I've be recently listening to her podcast, Girl on Guy, and I've found it to be one of the best podcast's out there.  Her interviews are usually very candid and very honest.  I love when she talks with her guests about things that other hosts would not talk about.  I also love her as Lana Kane on Archer.  Her wit and humor is great.  Her tastes in music, movies, and video games don't really fit the profile of a typical female talk shot host.  I was listening to her podcasts and realized that she grew up listening to hard rock bands like Metallica.  I was floored when I found out she was into video-game playing.  I don't have an Xbox, like she does, but I think that it's awesome that fans of hers can game with her.


Dave Chappelle
Actor, Comedian
The funniest stand-up comedian who isn't in the spotlight anymore.  I know he's out there doing stand-up, but he isn't doing huge events and television shows like people think he should be.  I don't know if you know that, but I do.  I know he's saving up some of his best material to make a comeback, but he's going to have to do it on his terms.  I'd also just love to find out what happened with him and Comedy Central, why he stepped away entirely from comedy for such a long time, and really what he's been doing in the time he's stayed out of the limelight.  I totally understand someone getting a whole bunch of money and then just going off to raise his kids.  That's the virtue of "F-U Money".  If he ever plans on doing movies or specials I would want to know.  Plus I'd love to see him and George Carlin at a dinner table.


Chris Farley
Actor, Comedian
I think since I have started this blog, I'd have to at least dedicate a small section to Chris Farley.  He was the funniest person I saw in movies.  When Napster was first around, I downloaded many clips of his SNL skits.  His Mick Foley skits were awesome. His movies alongside Adam Sandler and David Spade were perfect.  His career lives in the 90's and it would've been a hell of a time to see him in comedies today.  I never really got tired of every laughing at him.  And there's something to be said about the funniest guy in the room at SNL.

Dinner Menu:

First Course - Tomato Soup with grated cheese

Second course - Bacon Wrapped Shrimp or Coconut Shrimp

Third Course - Spinach Salad with Mandarins, Pecans, Onions, Strawberries, and Blue Cheese

Fourth Course - Bacon wrapped Filet Mignon with Asparagus and Garlic Mashed 

Final Course - Key Lime Pie and an Espresso

Working Out...On The TOILET!!!!

So I sometimes used to use this website dailyhiit.com for some workout routines when getting back into shape.  I noticed something in the background though while watching it.  Take a look at the left side of the screen right around the 22 second mark.

Yes, you guessed it, that is a man sitting on the toilet.  Probably doing a number 2, in the dark no less, and with the door open.  Holy hell.  This is video should catch internet fire.

My Favorite Office Clips

One of my favorite shows of the past decade had it's series finale tonight on NBC.  The Office, which was one of my favorite shows, ruled my 9 PM timeslot.  I loved watching Michael Scott and Co. try to make me laugh for the years that it did.  These clips are some of my favorite clips from the show.  Trust me, you'll laugh too.

The Watermelon:

Kevin's Chili:

Michael's Injury:

Those are my favorite and some of them are just legitimately hilarious, I didn't even have enough time to go out and find all of the ones I loved.  I love that show.  Can't wait to see all those actors in future roles!

Day 28: Something You Miss

There are many things I miss.  But if I had to pick one: college.  I miss college, much like every 20-something.  College is full of so many memories.  Sure when I think about how much money people spend on degrees and if they end up using them after college is another issue.  But the times spent with people between classes, on weekends, walking to classes, SPRING BREAK, and everything else is just an awesome memory. 

You never meet people like the ones you lived with, drank with, partied with, slept with, and laughed with in college.  Life after college becomes a little harder to handle.  You begin to feel like your role in life is getting less and less from what it once was.  You begin to feel like Stan felt in that episode of South Park when he feels everything is turning to Shit.

But that's the time in your life when you have to find out a way to make yourself happy.  Hobbies get picked up.  Hopefully you found someone you can connect to emotionally either during or after college.  College used to be considered a four year endeavor.  Now it's spilling into a five year plus adventure for everyone turning 18 and wanting to explore every avenue of life before they think it leaves them.  If college was a 7 year adventure, there would still be people turning it into a 10 year venture.  When people have most of their utilities paid for, they will do just about everything possible to squeeze every last drop of juice from that delicious fruit of youth.

I really miss college.

Day 27: Problem(s) You Have or Had In the Past

There are many problems that I've had in the past.  Overcoming them is a tireless task.  This blog, for one, was one of the hardest things to get started and then continue on a daily routine.  When I first started blogging back in 2005 or so, I just regurgitated Bill Simmons articles and random thoughts on Sports.  I'd do so much rambling that it was just boring as hell to read.

But I've learned to cope with some of the problems I've had and continue to have:

Problem #1: Keeping Routine

Since starting this blog and using the continuous reminders on my cell phone, I've managed to complete 2 30-day challenges that I didn't really have any faith in completing.  I know it's only 60 days, but that's more than saying you're going to lose weight for a New Years Resolution and then just sit at home during every month after January.  I'm proud of myself for at least moving forward with this kind of routine, as menial as it sounds.  Solution: This blog

Problem #2: Speaking Up When I Have the Chance

Whether it's been at the dinner table, in a classroom, in a sport's game, or at work, I'm known for staying quiet when I should be speaking up.  I don't know if it's me being passive or my inability to act, but speaking up is something I wish I did more of.  My Mom always told me to raise my hand more often in class because most of my teachers didn't know how smart I was until I did it more often.  I think there was some point during my education that the more I raised my hand, the more I'd get questions wrong thus I would shy away from participating in class.

This has carried over into my adult and professional life.  I shy away from asking my boss questions, and future employers questions.  I shy away from talking to most women I don't know.  I know that if I feel like I'm being talked at instead of being talked to, I won't even bother with responses.  If people don't understand that last sentence, they may be the kind of person that talks at someone and doesn't even know it.  Solution: None yet.

Problem #3: Starting Too Many Things Without Finishing One

This might just be a problem of me wanting to lead too many lives.  Like taking a bite of a bunch of different foods, but never finishing just one.  It's lead down a long road of emptiness.  I feel I always need to have tried something, but I can't say that I've finished something.  It sucks.  I've started several screenplays, but have never finished anyone of them.  I've started writing other stories, but I've never finished them.  I don't know how, but my real life, family and friends seem to be getting in the way of the life I want.  Solution: None.

Day 26: How Would You Spend $1,000,000 dollars if You Had Such a Thing?

Ok.  So let's figure out that I have $1M in cash to spend, and not the usual $600,000 because of that after-taxes bullshit.  Okay, so here we go.

I'd take about $400,000 of it and put it into some sort of savings situation where I could live off of dividends and build some wealth.  Leaving me $600,000.

I would pay off all of my debts, which would be around $13,500 from school loans and roughly $3,000 I owe various people.  So that leaves me with about $584,500.00.

Over half a million with no debt, cars and stuff paid off, and still things to do.  I think I might do some travelling and knock off some destinations that are on my Thrillist.  I would consider doing some serious traveling, maybe visit Dorado Beach, maybe visit Refugia Chiloe, Iceland's Luxury Hotel, definitely will do some traveling with AirBNB.com, especially if I can get places to stay like this. 

And I think I might even go to an Ideas Island.  Yes, it's a real thing.

Given that all that traveling might take me about a year to successfully do, I would put the cost probably close to $100,000.  That would be if I did A TON of traveling too.  Who knows where I could go with so much time and money.  If I flew everywhere foreign, the trip to Chile and Iceland would probably cost me around $15,000 together.  The private Idea Island costs $1000 to charity, plus getting to and from the island, which would probably run about $5000 to be serious.  The trip to Dorado Beach could be the most expensive coming in at $1200 per night.  So for a month, without the trips with AirBNB, I would looking at about $30,000 if I didn't go anywhere else other than those 4 places.  Maybe closer to $50,000.  So that leaves me with about $530,000 to be fair.

With that money, I would continue to travel far and wide suing AirBNB.  I would search for any and all places to stay for maybe two to three nights per place.  I would travel all through Europe.  I would travel to portions of Asia and South America.  Maybe stop in to see my In-Laws in Ecuador.  I would also absolutely want to visit down-under Australia as well as New Zealand.  I would surely visit some of the places I wish I could see, like Zihuatanejo Mexico (the destination famous from Shawshank Redemption):

As I'm looking at some of these places, I am becoming so in love with AirBNB.  I would love to stay in the Frank Lloyd Wright houses for a couple weeks.  I would love to visit historical places of significance, as well as all around the world just soaking in everything.  To travel to some of these places, I would probably expect to spend close to $150,000.  I'm not including food since that's just too hard to calculate.  

I would try my best to pick up as many languages as possible.  Meet as many people as possible.  Soak up as much of this world as I could.  I would check in with family and friends every so often as to see what I'm missing or what they have planned for their futures. I would check on my investments to make sure that I am making some money while burning through a good chunk of it.

Then when I get tired of travelling, and get homesick, I'll come home.  I'd come home and make sure that I had enough money to move someplace and push myself into doing some of the things I wanted to do: like writing, maybe some acting, or standup.  I'd make sure that I would feel like I needed to succeed, so I'd have to put a larger chunk of money away so that I couldn't touch it for a while.  

Actually, if I documented most of this travelling, I would've made a pretty successful travel blogger. I would not spend money on cars or houses or whatever people would do to make them seem hood-rich. I certainly would not buy everyone in my family a brand new car. I think having the first step be putting away a ton of money in dividend paying investments is the safest way to make this journey enjoyable. I'm not a fool, so I know that money will come and go, but experiences, memories, and friendships will go a long way. So if I spend through a majority of the $400,000 I had left to myself, I'd dedicate it to obtaining a craft and becoming a jack of all trades and a master of one main craft.

Day 24: Your Favorite Movie and What it's about....

I don't know if I can answer this question: What is my favorite movie?  I've seen Caddyshack the most times.  I've analyzed the Shining a lot.  I've loved Blazing Saddles since the first time I saw it on VHS.  I loved The Burbs when I was a kid.  I felt like A Beautiful Mind was the best movie the year that Denzel won Best Actor and not Russell Crowe.  Although I think my favorite movie has be Pulp Fiction.  It's hard to argue.  It's a movie that is like no other.

I remember seeing this movie much later than when it was released.  I think the first copy I bought was the 10 year anniversary one.  It was just such an awesome movie cover to cover.  It's the movie that made me want to get involved with writing and movies in general.  It's a summation of suburban ugliness.  It has gangsters, it has fights, it has cool music, it has drugs, it's got unforgettable characters, it has mesmerizing scenes, and it's never really been duplicated as a film.  Every time I've seen this movie, I've been comfortable after the two and half hours and just thought "I could've watched that for two more hours."  It's the only movie that I will watch and never get bored with.  I think that's the best thing about a director that you can say.

If I were on a deserted island or paralyzed for the rest of my life, I would watch this movie over and over.  It's script is perfect and it never really gets tiring.  This is my favorite movie.

!!SPOILER ALERT AHEAD. DON'T READ ANYMORE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN PULP FICTION!!

To summarize Pulp Fiction is pretty hard.  It's a gangster film.  The opening scene begins with "Honeybunny" and "Ringo" sitting in a diner eating breakfast and talking about how they robbed a convenient store instead of a bank.  They then pop up and yell "Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!  Any of you fucking pricks move and I'll execute every fucking last one of you!"  We move to another scene, the main honcho, Marcellus Wallace, sends out two hitmen, Jules and Vincent, to take care of an issue regarding a payment that Wallace was owed.  The film then jumps to Marcellus Wallace making a deal with a boxer, Butch Coolidge, to take a fall in his upcoming fight.  We see Jules and Vincent walk in the background, but they are dressed differently from before.  The film then jumps again to a situation where Vincent, has to take out Marcellus Wallace's main girl, Mia, out for dinner, while not making any moves on her sexually.  They go to dinner and win a dancing competition, which is one of the most entertaining yet woefully repeated scenes in other movies.  Mia finds her way into Vincent's little bag of drugs, which she thinks is Cocaine, but we're to believe that it's Heroin, based upon the drug dealing scene that we saw prior to Vincent picking up Mia in his car.  In order to save Mia, Vincent rushes Mia to his dealer's house and they perform an unforgettable scene on Mia's body.  After this scene, we learn a little more about the life of Butch Coolidge, and what he's actually fighting for and running from.  One segment, which is a wonderfully done scene with Christopher Walken, is about Butch's Father's Gold Watch, which his wife forgets while they are trying to pack up and leave town.  Butch has to return to his old apartment and get his watch back, but he finds a certain person we've met before that's reading a pulp fiction book in his bathroom when Butch walks in.  Butch tries to return to his wife unscathed, but is met by Marcellus Wallace at an intersection, which turns into a rundown and leads to one of the most originally horrific and mesmerizing scenes in cinema.  Butch and Marcellus find themselves both tied up and in someone's basement about to be gang-raped.  I won't spoil what happens, but it's at this point that Butch comes to a personal choice to save his business partner from being raped or face being raped.  We jump back to Vincent and Jules back in the apartment from the beginning of the movie.  They find themselves faced against a guy who pops out of the closet and misses Jules and Vincent with all six shots he fires from a hand cannon.  Jules thinks he has been blessed with divine intervention and considers leaving the business of being a cold-blooded gangster.  Vincent asks the kid they have in the backseat of their car if he believes any of it.  I don't want to spoil anymore, so just go watch the movie and see for yourself.

The Maxim Hot 100 Dilemma

I recently blogged about people I find attractive, which meant that I just Google Image searched for people that I liked watching in Movies and TV.  I started over at the Maxim Hot 100 and was kind kind of shocked at how some of the rankings went on.  Now, I'm going to list them and then edit it by my standards.

Dessie Mitcheson
Ashley Sky
Rebecca Mader
Daniella Alonso
Kellie Pickler
Zooey Deschanel
Dawn Olivieri
Lynsi Torres
Kenda Perez
Allison Williams
Leven Rambin
April Rose
Elisabeth Harnois
Katie Cassidy
Rosci Diaz
Aubrey Plaza
Alice Eve
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace
Jamie Chung
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha
Janina Gavankar
Emma Roberts
Natalie Martinez
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood
Nina Adgal
Manti T'eo's Fake Girlfriend
Anne V
Brittney Palmer
Joanna Krupa
Emilia Clarke
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz
Emily VanCamp
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Kamala Harris
Shakira
Bar Paly
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Nina Dobrev
Ashley Greene
Yvonne Strahovski
Naya Rivera
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Berenice Marlohe
Adrianne Palicki
Sarah Shahi
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Ronda Rousey
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Arianny Celeste
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus

That's 100-1.  I'm not kidding.  Maxim thinks it has a sense of humor because a fake girlfriend made the list. Not even 100, it was ranked in the 80's.  Now usually when guys and girls read this list, it's considered the best list for the determining how hot someone that's in the limelight is.  Now, let's fix this list by eliminating the names that make you say "who the fuck is that?".


Dessie Mitcheson
Ashley Sky
Rebecca Mader
Daniella Alonso
Kellie Pickler
Zooey Deschanel
Dawn Olivieri
Lynsi Torres
Kenda Perez
Allison Williams
Leven Rambin
April Rose
Elisabeth Harnois
Katie Cassidy
Rosci Diaz
Aubrey Plaza
Alice Eve
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace
Jamie Chung
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha
Janina Gavankar
Emma Roberts
Natalie Martinez
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood
Nina Adgal
Manti T'eo's Fake Girlfriend
Anne V  <--How the fuck does a nobody get away being in the Hot 100 with a letter as a last name
Brittney Palmer
Joanna Krupa
Emilia Clarke
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz
Emily VanCamp
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Kamala Harris
Shakira
Bar Paly
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Nina Dobrev
Ashley Greene
Yvonne Strahovski
Naya Rivera
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Berenice Marlohe
Adrianne Palicki
Sarah Shahi
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Ronda Rousey
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Arianny Celeste
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus

Ok, now let's go ahead and remove those names I've crossed out:

Zooey Deschanel
Allison Williams
Aubrey Plaza
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace
Hoda Kotb
Ke$ha
Emma Roberts
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood
Candice Swanepoel
Stacy Keibler
Cameron Diaz
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Shakira
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden
Blake Lively
Heather Graham
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus

So our Maxim Hot 100 is now a Maxim Hot 65.  35 women were taken off the list for being a "Who the Fuck is that" Member.  All of these names are recognizable to men.  They have been in movies that guys have seen and not just some chick on an E! show or whatever those no-names are famous for.  Now let's try to validate their position on the Hot 100 list.  I'm going to point out some of the faults with this list:


Zooey Deschanel
Allison Williams
Aubrey Plaza
Kat Dennings
Ashley Benson
Maggie Grace - Her worst fault is that she runs like a weirdo.  Huge turn-off.

Hoda Kotb - What the Fuck is she doing on this list?  She looks like a Kristen Wiig SNL character, but she's a real person.  She's 48 and I can think of hotter 48 year olds.
Ke$ha - This is what garbage looks like when in it's in female form.
Emma Roberts - Coattail rider of the century.
Rachel Bilson
Katharine McPhee
Jessica Chastain
Sara Underwood - Playboy Playmate. Also not really fair to put her on this list since Attack of the Show isn't really on air anymore.
Candice Swanepoel - Victoria Secret Model, kind of cheating too put her on the list.
Stacy Keibler - If she wasn't dating George Clooney, I don't think she would be on this list.
Cameron Diaz
Stana Katic
Brooklyn Decker
Amber Heard
Eva Mendes
Emmy Rossum
Rachel McAdams
Shakira
Brittany Snow
Lake Bell
Sofia Vergara
Sarah Hyland
Jordana Brewster
Malin Akerman
Julianne Hough
Lea Michele
Zoe Saldana
Amanda Seyfried
Leighton Meester
Kaley Cuoco
Charlize Theron
Hayden Panettiere
Olivia Munn
Danielle Fishel
Demi Lovato
Katrina Bowden - I don't know if she's famous enough.  She plays Cerie on 30 Rock, and barely had any lines.
Blake Lively
Heather Graham - She should be thanking her lucky stars that she was put in The Hangover and The Hanggover Part III.  She hasn't been relevant otherwise.
Christina Hendricks
Emma Stone
Megan Fox
Emma Watson
Jessica Alba
Olivia Wilde
Scarlett Johansson
Beyonce
Taylor Swift
Kate Beckinsale
Katy Perry
Elisha Cuthbert
Vanessa Hudgens
Kate Upton
Ashley Tisdale
Jennifer Love Hewitt - I don't know if she's hotter than the majority of the people that come before her, like Kate Upton, or Olivia Wilde, or Megan Fox.  Yeah, she's not.
Jennifer Lawrence
Mila Kunis
Rihanna
Selena Gomez
Miley Cyrus

My biggest complaint about this list is that it makes every woman seem like every guy wants to be with Miley Cyrus, when her own boyfriend doesn't even want to be with Miley Cyrus.  This is the Miley Cyrus that should've been #1:

Not this one:

Because of this list, and Miley topping it, I would not be surprised to see a large number of long haired girls buzz it off in hopes to make their man more attracted to them, but then end up dumped because of it.  Keep the locks ladies, we like long hair.

Another peev with this list, is that no group of men will agree on it.  This is Maxim, a magazine mostly dominated by male readers, and this Hot 100 is just a list of people that probably 2 people agreed on.  I'd like to see the credentials of the writers of these lists and then see who they have been sleeping with.  Because that's the ultimate credential.  If this list were made by George Clooney, Leo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, and like one other guy, then we would at least be able to expect something.  But this list is now just anonymous graffiti and no one knows who is pushing who to the top.

I saw we drop the Maxim Hot 100 as Men, and then find a new way to rank attractive women.

Finally, the worst part of this list is that these people were left off of it: Isla Fisher, Gillian Jacobs, Anna Kendrick, Julie Bowen (hotter than Hoda Kotb), Hannah Simone, Rashida Jones, Jennifer Hudson, Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow (somehow was just awarded most perfect body or whatever), January Jones, and so on and so forth.

I don't get it.  I hope we fix this, even though this is the definition of a first world problem.